It is a well known fact that there is no such thing as a stress free Christmas... and this year was no exception, however.... nothing could have prepared me for what happened to myself (and 4 other poor defenceless women) this festive season....
It all began when my very good friend 'Kiki' suggested an idyllic Christmas, in a log cabin.... far away from the busyness of the city.... in up-state New York (charming i think you will agree) and it was all going so swimmingly at first!!! I amazingly enough was able to escape work 3 HOURS EARLY (well deserved as have been staying about 4 hours late EACH DAY to get through catastrophic amounts of work far beyond my comprehension... but that's another story.... anywho, the journey upstate began with 5 girls bundling into a small white rental car... who we playfully named 'Stu' .... (although i disagreed with this as we all know.... cars are all girls, much like ships or tanks... or ..... computers) not. sure. why. ANYWHO after a small harmless mistake my friend 'Monica' made we accidentally locked our selves out of the building where all our personal belongings were... after a very 'I know what you did last summer' manoeuvre (i.e. walking around to the back entrance of the building) through trees/ shrubs/flower beds we unlocked ourselves from scary dark... cleaner only there building and set off!!
The journey although long.... and full of constant questions like.... 'Where are the Hobnobs' .....'When's the next rest stop' 'I need a wee' and the ever faithful.... 'Did anyone bring cash for the toll bridge'.... we entered Northville... and all i can say is that arriving in Northville in the dead of night.... all any of us could think of where images of scary thin old men, whispering the words.... 'But that place burnt down yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears ago'..... As 5 terrified girls entered the shutter door of a dark log cabin... on the edge of a frozen lake (not that we could see it) we stepped into what can only be described as Christmas heaven....
Golden lit wreaths hung above a REAL log fire... along with twinkling fern trees (not real) a huge kitchen, large soft DOUBLE beds... (which is a warm welcome from the barely single plastic covered beds we were used to).... As we settled in beautifully with a comphy glass of warm red wine.... our weekend of supposed bliss was about to continue...
Now what i can say about the actual time IN the cabin... well.... it was magical... so relaxing.... so tranquil... the first morning i was outside having my usual mug of coffee and morning ciggarette I saw a bushell of squirrels scurrying around the open countryside... with fresh laid tracks of secret animals left behind in the snow... never in my LIFE had i felt more like Snow White.... I will even admit to you now... i did start to sing.... 'Edelweiss' (dont jusge me too harshly i was taken over by the beauty of it all)
Anywho it was Christmas Eve.... and 'Monica' was determined to make saints of us and take us to a carol service (slight worry at this point... I am descendant from Jews and have never entered a church in my life) but hay ho... off we went to find Jesus (as it was his birthday) and sung silent night by candlelight (hay... THAT RHYMES) Unfortunately by this stage i was a bit pissed due to an entire day of drinking gin and a good few bottles of mulled wine! So most the time i spent laughing at the poor sods in the Northville dramatic society... trying to remember their lines (without much luck) and putting poorly choreographed 'raise your arms to glory' moves in the carols .... oh.... the shame!
However christmas eve went down without a hitch.... and people seemed to enjoy my operatic stylings of Silent Night.... even if it was 2 octaves higher than most people! And hardly anyone got offended... except one poor couple who overheard me 'Phoebe' and 'Kiki' exclaim
Phoebe - Oh look a trumpet!
Kiki - Par rupa pum pum
Me - Upa my bum!
Poor innocent Christians.... i feel bad now!
CHRISTMAS DAY!!
Now what i didn't tell you is that upon arriving home from a lovely carol service 'Mary' discovered that the downstairs bathroom was covered in dirt & grit.... having no idea where this came from we simply swept it aside and forgot all about it..... oh...... what a mistake that was to be....
Upon awaking Christmas morning... we all felt we should look our best and showered... make up'd and did oursleves all pretty like for the festive holiday.... now 5 girls showering along with a dish washer on full go.... and a washing machine tumbling around.... generates ALOT of water/ sewage.... not thinking of the previous nights warning... at about 11 am the bottom floor was flooded..... and the downstairs toilet had backed up all our excrement over the floor.... complete and utter horror.... now much to my eternal shame I did nothing.... zero.... in all honesty i was oblivious and simply chain smoked about 30 cigarettes on the upper balcony whilst my poor friends threw buckets and buckets of dirty water out of the downstairs bathroom into our frozen lake.... after this ordeal everyone needed a stiff drink.... especially me.... what with doing nothing..... so whilst my poor friends washed off everyones shit.... i began to make christmas dinner.....
Now for the next part.... I am not exactly sure HOW this happened.... but upon leaving the kitchen for a sit by the fire and a baileys.... I returned to see the 4 girls crowded around the oven... with faces as white as sheets.... pulling 'Mary' aside i was informed that Kiki... had inadvertently of course locked the oven.... and could not open it.... now having already called the owner of the cabin round due to the 'sewage situation' we found it highly difficult to pull the poor man away from his loving family again to open an oven..... nevertheless.... we did
And he did not know how to open the oven
And his son did not know how to open the oven
At this point i was becoming increasingly worried about my beloved Turkey which i had personally rubbed and bathed and stuffed (as queen Nigella had specified) and after we had sent these poor men back to their mothers wives and daughters.... we all sat down (well some of us hid in the basement) and had a stiff drink of Gin.... we pondered..... and we shook the hinges of the oven door..... and we screamed at the oven door..... and then i screamed some more as Kiki began to tell me that the oven was actually on the clean cycle....
which goes up to 900 degrees
which turns everything to ash
and your even supposed to take the shelves out as they MELT FROM THE HEAT!!!
In a all consuming panic i yelled..... 'MY TURKEY!!!!!!'
And after a painstaking wait after turning the bloody thing off from the mains.... 20 minutes and 2 gin & tonics later.... the oven just popped right open.... revealing an actually deliciously cooked turkey!!!
So all in all had a fantastic feast .... i even made bread sauce (not from a packet) AND home-made cranberry sauce (just call me Delia!) ..... however ..... twas not the last of the tail..... oh no ...... much MUCH worse was to come....
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
BIGGEST SPOT IN THE WORLD
It is always the case that when something important is coming up.... or just ANY TIME AT ALL you get a spot.... but MY SPOT is the biggest i have EVER SEEN!!!
It is currently taking up half of my chin, and i find it ridiculous that at 23 i still get spots.... i mean not as many as when i was 16... but whenever i ride the crimson wave UP THEY COME its like they are saying.... how can i make your day worse oh yeah I'LL PUT A GROWTH FULL OF PUSS ON YOUR FACE!
Evil.... evil is what it is!
LOOK AT THIS MONSTROSITY
And to make things worse....
GUESS WHO WALKED INTO MY OFFICE TODAY!!
The one the only queen of drama and patron saint of sexy..... SUSAN SARRANDON
I have NEVER been more star struck.... couldn't even continue with my day (which consists of answering phones) not difficult!! And there's me spotty McGee... not sexy.... also DID NOT think about my outfit enough.... i look fat... as Gok Wan always said.... don't wear horizontal stripes they shorten you!
mmmmmmm gunna be singing toucha toucha toucha touch me all day now.... am i right in thinking Susie S was in Rocky Horror show right? RIGHT?
Golly gosh hope she was.... otherwise i reallllly embarressed my self earlier!
Tonight.... for all the New Yorkers out there is THE ROCKEFELLER CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING!!
And i am going.... with my $2 to hopefully find some hot apple cider.... and see celebrities.... MORE CELEBRITIES!!
New York truly is home of celebrities before coming here the only person i had ever seen was Vanessa Feltz.... after i had just got rejected from Royal College of Music.... truly perked me up!
It is currently taking up half of my chin, and i find it ridiculous that at 23 i still get spots.... i mean not as many as when i was 16... but whenever i ride the crimson wave UP THEY COME its like they are saying.... how can i make your day worse oh yeah I'LL PUT A GROWTH FULL OF PUSS ON YOUR FACE!
Evil.... evil is what it is!
LOOK AT THIS MONSTROSITY
GUESS WHO WALKED INTO MY OFFICE TODAY!!
The one the only queen of drama and patron saint of sexy..... SUSAN SARRANDON
I have NEVER been more star struck.... couldn't even continue with my day (which consists of answering phones) not difficult!! And there's me spotty McGee... not sexy.... also DID NOT think about my outfit enough.... i look fat... as Gok Wan always said.... don't wear horizontal stripes they shorten you!
mmmmmmm gunna be singing toucha toucha toucha touch me all day now.... am i right in thinking Susie S was in Rocky Horror show right? RIGHT?
Golly gosh hope she was.... otherwise i reallllly embarressed my self earlier!
Tonight.... for all the New Yorkers out there is THE ROCKEFELLER CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING!!
And i am going.... with my $2 to hopefully find some hot apple cider.... and see celebrities.... MORE CELEBRITIES!!
New York truly is home of celebrities before coming here the only person i had ever seen was Vanessa Feltz.... after i had just got rejected from Royal College of Music.... truly perked me up!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thanksgiving et al.
To those who do not know what the RUDDY HELL Thanksgiving is.... ALLOW ME TO ENLIGHTEN YOU!!
Thanksgiving to me.... meant 4 days off work!! So you can't really get better than that.... but other than that this day means many things to many people (namely Americans)
Thanksgiving is also - Turkey day.... a day to eat Turkey (but don't fear 2 turkey's are pardoned each year by the Obama King himself at the Whitehouse) SO THEY DON'T ALL CLUCK THEIR LAST BREATH!
Thanksgiving is also about.... being THANKFUL in actual fact whilst you eat your poor defenseless dead bird you are supposed to go around the table and have a supreme kodak moment with strangers/family & friends!
I spent my thanksgiving with about 15 strangers (all of which were couples GAG) and 1 friend... and due to the fact only had 1 friend there I was simply too shy to go back for 3rds... WHICH I SO WANTED as at the moment cannot afford food.... so am probably the only person in America to loose weight over this FEASTACIOUS holiday
HOWEVER what i did have was about 12 cans of four loco & 2 litres of Vodka.... you know the rest
After my four loco haze i decided... i was horny.... but instead of actually approaching any men, i would simply go up to people I BARELY KNEW tell them i fancied their male friends and hope they would steer them in my direction... in all words... I DIDNT GET ANY!!
However the one & only SCHWABBY i.e hunky bearded chubby goodness i so love & bat my eyelashes at BEST FRIEND now knows i like him & has PROMISED to get us together by christmas... if all else fails will simply get him drunk on Kahlua at the Christmas party & rape his face .... jeez if he EVER reads this blog i will never live it down!
But yeah.... THANKSGIVING
Overall i give a big thumbs up to this AUDACIOUS ....STUPENDOUS..... BOUNTIFUL FEAST of a Holiday! And will definitely be taking it back with me to the UK baybay!
Hope you all had a delicious Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving to me.... meant 4 days off work!! So you can't really get better than that.... but other than that this day means many things to many people (namely Americans)
Thanksgiving is also - Turkey day.... a day to eat Turkey (but don't fear 2 turkey's are pardoned each year by the Obama King himself at the Whitehouse) SO THEY DON'T ALL CLUCK THEIR LAST BREATH!
Thanksgiving is also about.... being THANKFUL in actual fact whilst you eat your poor defenseless dead bird you are supposed to go around the table and have a supreme kodak moment with strangers/family & friends!
I spent my thanksgiving with about 15 strangers (all of which were couples GAG) and 1 friend... and due to the fact only had 1 friend there I was simply too shy to go back for 3rds... WHICH I SO WANTED as at the moment cannot afford food.... so am probably the only person in America to loose weight over this FEASTACIOUS holiday
HOWEVER what i did have was about 12 cans of four loco & 2 litres of Vodka.... you know the rest
After my four loco haze i decided... i was horny.... but instead of actually approaching any men, i would simply go up to people I BARELY KNEW tell them i fancied their male friends and hope they would steer them in my direction... in all words... I DIDNT GET ANY!!
However the one & only SCHWABBY i.e hunky bearded chubby goodness i so love & bat my eyelashes at BEST FRIEND now knows i like him & has PROMISED to get us together by christmas... if all else fails will simply get him drunk on Kahlua at the Christmas party & rape his face .... jeez if he EVER reads this blog i will never live it down!
But yeah.... THANKSGIVING
Overall i give a big thumbs up to this AUDACIOUS ....STUPENDOUS..... BOUNTIFUL FEAST of a Holiday! And will definitely be taking it back with me to the UK baybay!
Hope you all had a delicious Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 22, 2010
All KINDS of Bad Stuff...
So....
WHERE TO BEGIN?
1 - I was NOT asked to be in the photoshoot.... even though EVERYOTHER FEMALE IN THE OFFICE WAS! (bad bad inferiority complex emerging)
2 - Made COLOSSAL mistake and checked Facebook to find that BOTH ex's are happily engaged in long term relationships.... one with the girl he cheated on me with..... (Further added to feeling shite)
3 - Was 'seduced my messaging medium' and spoke a little 'too freely' to said crush at work.... (ended in awkward looks as if to say 'I don't get where the hell this is coming from and am a little scared of you now')
4 - Drank with the 'boys' in work (although not welcomed just pushed my way through) to the 'thanksgiving punch' people were enjoying.... i just knocked the bloody stuff back.... then returned home after work pissed out of my mind at 7 pm and went straight to sleep missing out on what my friends were to describe as 'a great Friday night out'
The week was also chocabloc with bad news from Home, wasting money on dresses i'll never wear and getting through the entire 4 seasons of Mad Men in 1 week.... I AM TERRIFIED
I am TERRIFIED that i am becoming my worst nightmare!!! It has gotten to the point whereby i would rather stay in and watch TV shows than go out and party... this is ILLEGAL at my age... 22 twentyfriggintwo..... and i'm in bed usually by 10.30.... the time my GRANDMA.... YES GRANDMA goes to bed!! Dispicable! I feel like I am slowly disapearing into Oblivion and soon people will say....
Whatever happened to that girl..... oh ya know the one..... ummmm.... medium height..... red hair...... chubby...... was really loud.......
Oh i'll tell you what happened....
SHE DIED OF INSIGNIFICANCE!!
Ummmmmm maybe getting ever so slightly overdramatic.... and i'm afraid this is one of those posts with no real meaning.... OH EXCEPT
2 Words
Four Loco...
Four Loco is a drink now BANNED in the USA!! And guess what, due to that fact, a 'friend' lets call him.... ' Diablo' suggested we go to the cash & carry & buy 60 cans of the stuff so that we can experience the delights of this insane carnage inducing drink.... as i have yet to truly sample this palpatation inducing beverage i''l leave you with this...
Stay Tuned!
WHERE TO BEGIN?
1 - I was NOT asked to be in the photoshoot.... even though EVERYOTHER FEMALE IN THE OFFICE WAS! (bad bad inferiority complex emerging)
2 - Made COLOSSAL mistake and checked Facebook to find that BOTH ex's are happily engaged in long term relationships.... one with the girl he cheated on me with..... (Further added to feeling shite)
3 - Was 'seduced my messaging medium' and spoke a little 'too freely' to said crush at work.... (ended in awkward looks as if to say 'I don't get where the hell this is coming from and am a little scared of you now')
4 - Drank with the 'boys' in work (although not welcomed just pushed my way through) to the 'thanksgiving punch' people were enjoying.... i just knocked the bloody stuff back.... then returned home after work pissed out of my mind at 7 pm and went straight to sleep missing out on what my friends were to describe as 'a great Friday night out'
The week was also chocabloc with bad news from Home, wasting money on dresses i'll never wear and getting through the entire 4 seasons of Mad Men in 1 week.... I AM TERRIFIED
I am TERRIFIED that i am becoming my worst nightmare!!! It has gotten to the point whereby i would rather stay in and watch TV shows than go out and party... this is ILLEGAL at my age... 22 twentyfriggintwo..... and i'm in bed usually by 10.30.... the time my GRANDMA.... YES GRANDMA goes to bed!! Dispicable! I feel like I am slowly disapearing into Oblivion and soon people will say....
Whatever happened to that girl..... oh ya know the one..... ummmm.... medium height..... red hair...... chubby...... was really loud.......
Oh i'll tell you what happened....
SHE DIED OF INSIGNIFICANCE!!
Ummmmmm maybe getting ever so slightly overdramatic.... and i'm afraid this is one of those posts with no real meaning.... OH EXCEPT
2 Words
Four Loco...
Four Loco is a drink now BANNED in the USA!! And guess what, due to that fact, a 'friend' lets call him.... ' Diablo' suggested we go to the cash & carry & buy 60 cans of the stuff so that we can experience the delights of this insane carnage inducing drink.... as i have yet to truly sample this palpatation inducing beverage i''l leave you with this...
Stay Tuned!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Unwise Move
So tomorrow there is a PHOTO SHOOT at work, and being the insanely self obsessed person i am i cannot hope... WISH that some director man will rush up to me and utter the words...
'darling,,, those cheekbones.....that coloring..... IT'S JUST WHAT WE NEED FOR OUR NEW CAMPAIGN'
Now i realise it is HIGHLY unlikely, especially seeing as i am a rumpus size 16 with Jowells instead of some supreme cheesy gap ad model who smiles too much... but YA NEVER KNOW!? So after work i decided that my face needed to be reinvented and so headed to Sephora, to blast my last $100 (which was suppose to last me the rest of week, but as i am converting to model behaviour is probably best i cannot buy food) so in Sephora i went, and was sure that the best, and most supreme way of buying the most affordable & functional items was to ask a sales assistant... now i used to BE one so i really should have known better as this... was a BIG mistake...
Phrases such as;
'Someone with as many flaws as you'
&
'To disguise your double chin'
Kept coming up so i immediately felt unattractive and fat and the entire train trip home, I was trying to hide under my scarf as i was afraid my face was deteriorating due to sun damage.... seemingly by not using a foundation with SPF i have ruined my skin.... FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE...
So I am now sat at home, pretentiously studying my pores looking for 'sun spots' which i needed to buy a $40 cream for to begin to help 'recycle what's left of renewable skin cells'... Since WHEN did MAKE UP ASSISTANTS become DOCTORS WITH PHD'S? Who know words such as....
Malignant
&
Peptapeptydes (i am SURE this is made up)
And on top of this i felt so down could not face the horror that is the gym, as half the people on my bloody course go there, and are the kind of people who have.... stomach muscles... and can walk up a flight of stairs without getting huffy puffy... so instead i stayed in watched desperate housewives and ate 2 bowls of pasta, which is especially bad as diet was supposed to start today and the gyn cost me $80 and i still haven't been....ONCE... i also had about onehundredgazillion peanut M&M's as pesky new runner aka Tyra banks kept coming over with bowls full of them whilst showing off her bambi thighs....
Honestly the day has just been HORRIFIC for self esteem... even a homeless man the other night whilst i walked home drunk, offering him my pizza said,
'cor love you look rough'
Dark day... very dark day...
But am sure tomorrow will be fantastic and will be discovered as the next Sophie Dahl circa 1991!
I really should go & clean the bathroom.... it is starting to grow mould, and no-one will shower in there except me until i have cleaned it.... have promised to clean it for weeks, and housemates are starting to get annoyed... I can tell by frowns and grimaces every time they walk past said bathroom..... ugh..... DONT WANT TO CLEAN HORRID BATHROOM! I think i will go have a nice cigarette and calm down.... can't clean when i'm all stressed like this...
Happy Monday everyone!
'darling,,, those cheekbones.....that coloring..... IT'S JUST WHAT WE NEED FOR OUR NEW CAMPAIGN'
Now i realise it is HIGHLY unlikely, especially seeing as i am a rumpus size 16 with Jowells instead of some supreme cheesy gap ad model who smiles too much... but YA NEVER KNOW!? So after work i decided that my face needed to be reinvented and so headed to Sephora, to blast my last $100 (which was suppose to last me the rest of week, but as i am converting to model behaviour is probably best i cannot buy food) so in Sephora i went, and was sure that the best, and most supreme way of buying the most affordable & functional items was to ask a sales assistant... now i used to BE one so i really should have known better as this... was a BIG mistake...
Phrases such as;
'Someone with as many flaws as you'
&
'To disguise your double chin'
Kept coming up so i immediately felt unattractive and fat and the entire train trip home, I was trying to hide under my scarf as i was afraid my face was deteriorating due to sun damage.... seemingly by not using a foundation with SPF i have ruined my skin.... FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE...
So I am now sat at home, pretentiously studying my pores looking for 'sun spots' which i needed to buy a $40 cream for to begin to help 'recycle what's left of renewable skin cells'... Since WHEN did MAKE UP ASSISTANTS become DOCTORS WITH PHD'S? Who know words such as....
Malignant
&
Peptapeptydes (i am SURE this is made up)
And on top of this i felt so down could not face the horror that is the gym, as half the people on my bloody course go there, and are the kind of people who have.... stomach muscles... and can walk up a flight of stairs without getting huffy puffy... so instead i stayed in watched desperate housewives and ate 2 bowls of pasta, which is especially bad as diet was supposed to start today and the gyn cost me $80 and i still haven't been....ONCE... i also had about onehundredgazillion peanut M&M's as pesky new runner aka Tyra banks kept coming over with bowls full of them whilst showing off her bambi thighs....
Honestly the day has just been HORRIFIC for self esteem... even a homeless man the other night whilst i walked home drunk, offering him my pizza said,
'cor love you look rough'
Dark day... very dark day...
But am sure tomorrow will be fantastic and will be discovered as the next Sophie Dahl circa 1991!
I really should go & clean the bathroom.... it is starting to grow mould, and no-one will shower in there except me until i have cleaned it.... have promised to clean it for weeks, and housemates are starting to get annoyed... I can tell by frowns and grimaces every time they walk past said bathroom..... ugh..... DONT WANT TO CLEAN HORRID BATHROOM! I think i will go have a nice cigarette and calm down.... can't clean when i'm all stressed like this...
Happy Monday everyone!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Sexual Politicai....
I am not sure, if when you fancy someone... they can pick up on it, i can NEVER pick up on if someone fancies me... mainly because people rarely do due the my god damn rhino thighs! HOWEVER when I fancy someone whenever they are close... my heart goes a flutter.... i get all tingly.... smile all the time at them and then run & hide whenever they do dain to talk to me... oh. and I BLUSH!!
Now unfortunately I have completely given up on the idea of
1 - Meeting anyone at work (they are all far too good looking)
Or
2 - Meeting an American .... this has come as a BIG disappointment, but the only ones who even seem interested are either cross eyed... or ... dull!
But anywho i'm going off the subject! YES! Sexual Politics... my interpretation of this is of course the awkwardness which comes from being in close proximity to someone of the opposite sex... i am sure this is wrong but recently i have been having some AWKWARD experiences!
Ok...so 1! I went on a little trip to Boston... it was DEElightful by the way! But there was... a MAN! YES i hear you gasp, and i just felt a little.... warm towards him if ya get my drift, now the sexual politics comes into play when, men who have girlfriends flirt... WHY DO THEY DO THIS? Its like false advertising, but then if they do actually take it further, its FRAUD! And as we all know... you can go to jail for fraud... Now I would never hurt a fellow sister by doing ANYTHING with her man... but in this case i was tempted... so what is the right answer, do you just ignore the possibilities/ tell him off for being a bad boy or just go for it & think about the ramifications later...
This problem is not really a problem as i'll tell you what i did... NOTHING! As per usual i took the cowards way out and gave up after a long lustful look... typical! There were moments however when i wanted to scream, IN THE NAME OF GOD AND ALL HIS CHERUBIN MOUNT ME!
At this moment i really should be working... or at least doing my project for class... but i'm not... i'm writing my blog,
I did SUCH an exciting thing at work today... A VOICEOVER!! For a real live commercial! I have never felt so honored, except that i messed it up, i was so nervous about being in front of so many Americans i decided to throw my entire self/accent and entire British history to the wind, and started doing some strange yankee slang, the whole point of them asking me was because i had a British accent... so i doubt they'll ask me again! Bugger! OH THE MONEY I COULD HAVE MADE!!
I do know a way however to overcome sexual politics, just stick with the gays!
Now unfortunately I have completely given up on the idea of
1 - Meeting anyone at work (they are all far too good looking)
Or
2 - Meeting an American .... this has come as a BIG disappointment, but the only ones who even seem interested are either cross eyed... or ... dull!
But anywho i'm going off the subject! YES! Sexual Politics... my interpretation of this is of course the awkwardness which comes from being in close proximity to someone of the opposite sex... i am sure this is wrong but recently i have been having some AWKWARD experiences!
Ok...so 1! I went on a little trip to Boston... it was DEElightful by the way! But there was... a MAN! YES i hear you gasp, and i just felt a little.... warm towards him if ya get my drift, now the sexual politics comes into play when, men who have girlfriends flirt... WHY DO THEY DO THIS? Its like false advertising, but then if they do actually take it further, its FRAUD! And as we all know... you can go to jail for fraud... Now I would never hurt a fellow sister by doing ANYTHING with her man... but in this case i was tempted... so what is the right answer, do you just ignore the possibilities/ tell him off for being a bad boy or just go for it & think about the ramifications later...
This problem is not really a problem as i'll tell you what i did... NOTHING! As per usual i took the cowards way out and gave up after a long lustful look... typical! There were moments however when i wanted to scream, IN THE NAME OF GOD AND ALL HIS CHERUBIN MOUNT ME!
At this moment i really should be working... or at least doing my project for class... but i'm not... i'm writing my blog,
I did SUCH an exciting thing at work today... A VOICEOVER!! For a real live commercial! I have never felt so honored, except that i messed it up, i was so nervous about being in front of so many Americans i decided to throw my entire self/accent and entire British history to the wind, and started doing some strange yankee slang, the whole point of them asking me was because i had a British accent... so i doubt they'll ask me again! Bugger! OH THE MONEY I COULD HAVE MADE!!
I do know a way however to overcome sexual politics, just stick with the gays!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Being the New Girl
Having been the new girl for almost 2 months now... i THINK i am transitioning into a genuine person here, proof of this is demonstrated by my actual name coming up every now & again, and actually being invited out with other colleagues, rarely, but ATLEAST ITS HAPPENING! However, no sooner have i become truly transitioned into working life, than a new girl... has irrecoverably popped up!
This has made me question my whole new girl experience, as i thought that EVERYONE was phased & ignored here in their 1st few months... but OH NO, not so my friends! Whilst I was being pushed aside, ignored at lunch times & phased, with 'questionable' pranks, THIS new girl... who looks more like Tyra Banks than me... Tyra.... the....ELEPHANT! Has been showered with attention, with what they have playfully named, 'grillings', oh.... how fun....
In my darkest of hours i have found my self looking at this girl... WHO IS LOVELY BY THE WAY and wishing under my breath....' gain 20 lbs.... gain 20lbs.... HAVE SOME PEANUT M&M'S I say... frequently! As by god, they've done me no favors!
I still remember my first day... it was horrible, the whole staff were so distraught at losing the previous girl they kept looking at me like i was the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! One of the guys even had the AUDACITY to come up to me and say....'you....you'll never replace her' ... no idea if i'm repeating myself here, but TRUE STORY! But no matter where you work, being new is NEVER easy, i found myself crying in the toilets for the 1st time since secondary school here, due to dreaded... duh...duh....duuuuuuuuh PETTY CASH!!
Two words, I have found can instantly restore my faith, especially when I feel like the fat, smelly receptionist... those words are,,,, as you wait with baited breath...
CHRISTINA HENDRICKS
Having become a recent mad men fan, i know that there is OH SO MUCH POWER in a big beautiful ass!!
To demonstrate... here's a picture;
ISN'T SHE THE BEST?
So whenever you find yourself feeling like your tum tum is too big, or ass to voluptuous... say to yourself.... 'Christina Hendricks.....Christina Hendricks....'
This has made me question my whole new girl experience, as i thought that EVERYONE was phased & ignored here in their 1st few months... but OH NO, not so my friends! Whilst I was being pushed aside, ignored at lunch times & phased, with 'questionable' pranks, THIS new girl... who looks more like Tyra Banks than me... Tyra.... the....ELEPHANT! Has been showered with attention, with what they have playfully named, 'grillings', oh.... how fun....
In my darkest of hours i have found my self looking at this girl... WHO IS LOVELY BY THE WAY and wishing under my breath....' gain 20 lbs.... gain 20lbs.... HAVE SOME PEANUT M&M'S I say... frequently! As by god, they've done me no favors!
I still remember my first day... it was horrible, the whole staff were so distraught at losing the previous girl they kept looking at me like i was the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! One of the guys even had the AUDACITY to come up to me and say....'you....you'll never replace her' ... no idea if i'm repeating myself here, but TRUE STORY! But no matter where you work, being new is NEVER easy, i found myself crying in the toilets for the 1st time since secondary school here, due to dreaded... duh...duh....duuuuuuuuh PETTY CASH!!
Two words, I have found can instantly restore my faith, especially when I feel like the fat, smelly receptionist... those words are,,,, as you wait with baited breath...
CHRISTINA HENDRICKS
Having become a recent mad men fan, i know that there is OH SO MUCH POWER in a big beautiful ass!!
To demonstrate... here's a picture;
ISN'T SHE THE BEST?
So whenever you find yourself feeling like your tum tum is too big, or ass to voluptuous... say to yourself.... 'Christina Hendricks.....Christina Hendricks....'
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Where's the Beef?
All i could hear in my head yesterday was a combination of 'Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' and 'Hazaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah' as in a word. work. went. APE SHIT! But on the other hand... I HAVE MONEY! Oh money the deliciousness of knowing your mine!
The day didn't start well, when wondering in 10 minutes late (it could happen to anyone) i was met with disasterous sounds of people without coffee... oh i can't truly express the EXQUISITE JOY of being an intern... Have to organise this bloody business trip & I am met with trouble at EVERY TURN! Bloody events organisation... poo poo tuh roo i say!
My plan to do something everyday... is going well! Though not exactly what i planned!
Monday I went to a leaving do at work and was granted 3 Gin & tonics, a Burger & Tater Tots... these are basically deep fried miniature Hash Browns.... delicious but i could literally feel the fat start to load onto my thighs when i took a second batch load.... man i can eat!(diet NOT going well)
Tuesday my age old step-dad came to visit me GOD BLESS HIM!! And oh the treats he granted me... took me to a swanky bar... again with the gin & tonics eyeeeeesch! Then whilst sat at the bar he puts an impromptu $400 into my pocket.... i swear i have never had so many people look at me as if i were a Hooker... all i wanted to do was scream.... HE'S MY DAD!! But i figure people would just think i was doing some weird kinky stint... so i just sat there stroking my $400 like it were the Holy Grail about to grant me eternal youth, WHICH IT IS!!! THEN WE HAD DINNER and oh my! I had smoked salmon as a starter with some little 'bellini' thing... bloody stupid other language menu... and Duck A La Melougetetotototo... oh i dunno what it was... but it was YUMMY!!!! No dessert of course... as am on diet!
Tonight i have class... OH WORRIES ME! & have not done ANYTHING i said i would do for my little project... although, maybe if i hit up Lush (the company said project is on) i will be forgiven... give em some freebies... maybe?
Tomorrow i still plan to go ze opera darlink.... have the money now... HERE'S HOPING! I'm spending it like there's no tomorrow... its not good... WILL I NEVER LEARN!! Ontop of that due to the stress, i've been scoffing all day... peanut M&M's... cheese puffs.... satay sticks... dumplings... oh my god, it has been good though, i may be as big as a house but it was JUST SO DELICIOUS!
Thankfully not toooooo many disasters this week.... Going to Boston on Friday....ROLL ON HARVARD BOYS I SAY!!
Hope you are all very very very well!
The day didn't start well, when wondering in 10 minutes late (it could happen to anyone) i was met with disasterous sounds of people without coffee... oh i can't truly express the EXQUISITE JOY of being an intern... Have to organise this bloody business trip & I am met with trouble at EVERY TURN! Bloody events organisation... poo poo tuh roo i say!
My plan to do something everyday... is going well! Though not exactly what i planned!
Monday I went to a leaving do at work and was granted 3 Gin & tonics, a Burger & Tater Tots... these are basically deep fried miniature Hash Browns.... delicious but i could literally feel the fat start to load onto my thighs when i took a second batch load.... man i can eat!(diet NOT going well)
Tuesday my age old step-dad came to visit me GOD BLESS HIM!! And oh the treats he granted me... took me to a swanky bar... again with the gin & tonics eyeeeeesch! Then whilst sat at the bar he puts an impromptu $400 into my pocket.... i swear i have never had so many people look at me as if i were a Hooker... all i wanted to do was scream.... HE'S MY DAD!! But i figure people would just think i was doing some weird kinky stint... so i just sat there stroking my $400 like it were the Holy Grail about to grant me eternal youth, WHICH IT IS!!! THEN WE HAD DINNER and oh my! I had smoked salmon as a starter with some little 'bellini' thing... bloody stupid other language menu... and Duck A La Melougetetotototo... oh i dunno what it was... but it was YUMMY!!!! No dessert of course... as am on diet!
Tonight i have class... OH WORRIES ME! & have not done ANYTHING i said i would do for my little project... although, maybe if i hit up Lush (the company said project is on) i will be forgiven... give em some freebies... maybe?
Tomorrow i still plan to go ze opera darlink.... have the money now... HERE'S HOPING! I'm spending it like there's no tomorrow... its not good... WILL I NEVER LEARN!! Ontop of that due to the stress, i've been scoffing all day... peanut M&M's... cheese puffs.... satay sticks... dumplings... oh my god, it has been good though, i may be as big as a house but it was JUST SO DELICIOUS!
Thankfully not toooooo many disasters this week.... Going to Boston on Friday....ROLL ON HARVARD BOYS I SAY!!
Hope you are all very very very well!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Early Halloween Dress up!
So today, everyone was SUPPOSED to come dressed up to work today, to celebrate the age old devil worshiping holiday.... HALLOWEEN!!!
Now i stupidly didn't think twice before supergluing my 'fake moustache' to my upper lip this morning not really taking into account that... no-one else would dress up!!
So here I am, looking a fool, at work;
Happy Halloween everyone, I'm just gunna put it out there, today is one of my FAVORITE holidays!!!
Don't be afraid to make a fool outta yourself... saying that...NEVER GLUE A FAKE MUSTACHE TO YOUR UPPER LIP!! That shit hurts!
By the way I'm Charlie Chaplain... Not Hitler... a lot of people have made that mistake today!
Now i stupidly didn't think twice before supergluing my 'fake moustache' to my upper lip this morning not really taking into account that... no-one else would dress up!!
So here I am, looking a fool, at work;
Don't be afraid to make a fool outta yourself... saying that...NEVER GLUE A FAKE MUSTACHE TO YOUR UPPER LIP!! That shit hurts!
By the way I'm Charlie Chaplain... Not Hitler... a lot of people have made that mistake today!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Oh....So DULL!!
The reason I have not written anything in oh so long... is because I AM SO DULL!!
I mean, you would have thought living in New York, working 9 to 5 in a glamorous company would mean, parties a plenty, drunken nights in Soho, singing on off-broadway shows...NO THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!
One of my main aims in coming here would've been to make a celebrity friend, HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN A CELEBRITY!!! Aaaaaaaand the one and only MISS BRADSHAW lives not but round the corner from where i work, saying that, i've probably seen her son & nanny on the way to school... in fact i'm going to pretend i have as i am sure one of the many tiny tots i see running around tribecca wearing questionable toddler esque clothes must surely of been her offspring... I mean... its a given!
My life has become SERIOUSLY similar to my grandma's, i wake up early, complain about prices being too high and am usually ASLEEP by 10.30... although last night i pushed the boat out and stayed up til 11 friggin 45!! OOOOH GET ME! Worst part is that everyone around me seems to be having a WHALE OF A TIME!! Trips to the Guggenheim (whatever THAT is), client brunches in over priced restaurants, late night parties in 'hoat couture' garments... i. simply. have turned into my worst nightmare... BORING GIRL!!
No intrepid excursions of any kind, no auditioning for questionable off Broadway shows, WHICH I PROMISED MYSELF I'D DO! The truth is that after a day of running around for people who get paid about 1000 x what i do, i don't have the heart, I just want to snuggle up in my Duvet & watch Grey's Anatomy & pretend I'm doing something important with my life, like train to be a vet, or devote my life to charity....won't ever actually do this, but the thought is there!
So, I need to get on it, which is why next week I am going to do SOMETHING after work, everyday of the week! Here is my plan
Monday - Go to this Guggenheim place... see what it actually is, maybe take a picture & I'LL UPLOAD IT AS PROOF, hoping that whoever takes this picture does not steal my camera whilst doing so of course.... wouldn't matter my camera's shit anyway!
Tuesday - Either Marie’s Crisis (59 Grove St) Officially a piano bar, and unofficially the home to musical theatre actors when they’re not on tour, Or Rose’s Turn (55 Grove St) another piano bar, where i hope to make my fortune & meet at least Kristen Chenoweth or half the cast of Cats...
Wednesday - My step daddy is sailing in on his big cruise ship so a nice dinner & gunna try squeeeeeeeze some money outta his wallet!
Thursday - Go to the Opera at the Met, its only $20 if you get there before 6.00pm, listen to some ladies & gents wail it out professional styleee! Ahhhh it'll take me back to my childhood!
Friday - Get the bus to Boston Taaaaaan! Like Londan Taaaaaan.... see Harvard, hit up some PUBS!! The only place in America they exhist seemingly!
Saturday - Continue Boston Frivolities...maybe do some sort of .... trail.... i dunno
Sunday - RELAAAAAAAAAAAX!!
Halloween is just around the corner, and due to the fact i simply cannot 'do' (i.e pull off) sexy I am dressing up as Charlie Chaplain, as he had style, he had wit, he had.... A MUSTACHE!! If there is one thing I WISH i could have had (and not be looked on as a circus performer for doing so) it would have been to grow a mustache! .... btw i do kinda have a lady mustache.... it kills me every time i have to shave that beauty off!
Hope you are all well, and looking forward to GORGING yourself of candyyyyyy!
Get Spooky Kids!
Much love
I mean, you would have thought living in New York, working 9 to 5 in a glamorous company would mean, parties a plenty, drunken nights in Soho, singing on off-broadway shows...NO THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!
One of my main aims in coming here would've been to make a celebrity friend, HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN A CELEBRITY!!! Aaaaaaaand the one and only MISS BRADSHAW lives not but round the corner from where i work, saying that, i've probably seen her son & nanny on the way to school... in fact i'm going to pretend i have as i am sure one of the many tiny tots i see running around tribecca wearing questionable toddler esque clothes must surely of been her offspring... I mean... its a given!
My life has become SERIOUSLY similar to my grandma's, i wake up early, complain about prices being too high and am usually ASLEEP by 10.30... although last night i pushed the boat out and stayed up til 11 friggin 45!! OOOOH GET ME! Worst part is that everyone around me seems to be having a WHALE OF A TIME!! Trips to the Guggenheim (whatever THAT is), client brunches in over priced restaurants, late night parties in 'hoat couture' garments... i. simply. have turned into my worst nightmare... BORING GIRL!!
No intrepid excursions of any kind, no auditioning for questionable off Broadway shows, WHICH I PROMISED MYSELF I'D DO! The truth is that after a day of running around for people who get paid about 1000 x what i do, i don't have the heart, I just want to snuggle up in my Duvet & watch Grey's Anatomy & pretend I'm doing something important with my life, like train to be a vet, or devote my life to charity....won't ever actually do this, but the thought is there!
So, I need to get on it, which is why next week I am going to do SOMETHING after work, everyday of the week! Here is my plan
Monday - Go to this Guggenheim place... see what it actually is, maybe take a picture & I'LL UPLOAD IT AS PROOF, hoping that whoever takes this picture does not steal my camera whilst doing so of course.... wouldn't matter my camera's shit anyway!
Tuesday - Either Marie’s Crisis (59 Grove St) Officially a piano bar, and unofficially the home to musical theatre actors when they’re not on tour, Or Rose’s Turn (55 Grove St) another piano bar, where i hope to make my fortune & meet at least Kristen Chenoweth or half the cast of Cats...
Wednesday - My step daddy is sailing in on his big cruise ship so a nice dinner & gunna try squeeeeeeeze some money outta his wallet!
Thursday - Go to the Opera at the Met, its only $20 if you get there before 6.00pm, listen to some ladies & gents wail it out professional styleee! Ahhhh it'll take me back to my childhood!
Friday - Get the bus to Boston Taaaaaan! Like Londan Taaaaaan.... see Harvard, hit up some PUBS!! The only place in America they exhist seemingly!
Saturday - Continue Boston Frivolities...maybe do some sort of .... trail.... i dunno
Sunday - RELAAAAAAAAAAAX!!
Halloween is just around the corner, and due to the fact i simply cannot 'do' (i.e pull off) sexy I am dressing up as Charlie Chaplain, as he had style, he had wit, he had.... A MUSTACHE!! If there is one thing I WISH i could have had (and not be looked on as a circus performer for doing so) it would have been to grow a mustache! .... btw i do kinda have a lady mustache.... it kills me every time i have to shave that beauty off!
Hope you are all well, and looking forward to GORGING yourself of candyyyyyy!
Get Spooky Kids!
Much love
Monday, October 25, 2010
A Short Note
I just wanted to write a very small note to say how sorry i was to hear that a friend got some terrible news this weekend.
I was so sad to hear that someone was going through such a terrible time, all i want to say is that I am sending you all my love & deepest condolences, you are not alone, and everyone is thinking of you.
Much Love!
I was so sad to hear that someone was going through such a terrible time, all i want to say is that I am sending you all my love & deepest condolences, you are not alone, and everyone is thinking of you.
Much Love!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Money, money, money, Money....MONEY!
NEVER PUT YOUR MONEY IN A SANTANDER ACCOUNT!!!!!!
I have spent most of the morning, talking, shouting, crying, banging, and chain smoking because of one word, can you guess it... MONEY!!
The ever unhelpful people at Santander have ALL MY MONEY and insist on keeping it, to themselves, without any form of guidance or advice for me as to how to get it, which means, that i am currently in America, penniless, not homeless, but with no means of funds to be able to buy shampoo!
I also get paid only every 2 weeks, which means my measly $400 goes literally in days given the amount I owe people from the week before, and so on, and so on! ITS A NIGHTMARE!! And its scary, man chasing you down the street with a bank statement scary, not i'm gunna kill ya' scary! But still, STRESSFUL!!
I find, that I have NEVER been good with money, a fact my mother knows all too well, having to of bailed me out atleast 10 times, truly without her i would be lost...LOVE YOU MUMMY!! But my addiction to Lush products, parma ham, and an ever so slight drinking problem along with a severe retail habit means that... I get into trouble quite alot... I remember watching 'Confessions of a shopaholic' and thinking, 'Eh, that ain't so bad'. The only thing that comforts me in these hours of worry and heart palpataions, is that, there are people out there worse than me... for one.... my father, having countless divorces, a taste for handmade shoes and living an Opera stars lifestyle on a freelancers budget has led him to a whole world of high interest credit cards, two mortgages, and umpteen court orders, truly such a role model!
But in a world which promises you lifestyles of the rich and famous for only 2%APR it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to refuse, and you find yourself handing over cards, with the words 'CHARGE IT' ringing in your ears, I mean is there any better feeling than buying that 'new little black dress' for Friday night, except that usually i buy the dress, don't try it on, discover it doesn't fit, and it then sits behind my door for a year, before i give it to Oxfam, or Red Cross... In hindsight, mistakes have been made, but you would THINK i would LEARN FROM THEM!
This weekend I am going to Boston, and in all honesty, I am dreading it, only because, i know i will spend my entire wage attempting to keep up with people who brought their entire life savings to party here, have no money for the next two weeks and attempt to live on a dollar a day (surprisingly enough i can do this!) The problem with this experience is you feel that having only a year in New York, you must experience everything and constantly be having an amazing time, so as to justify to your friends that ...'yes, it was worth the 6,000 debt and inferiority complex'. In New York there IS always something to do, but that something is ALSO expensive, and being on minimum wage, but acting like a young professional means there is little or no money to do this with!
For example... I am this weekend, paying for;
A christmas weekend in Vermont - $100
Weekend away in Boston - $ 150
My travel Card - $50
Money owing to freinds - $12
Shampoo & Food - $20
And countless other things i will never be able to afford,
So all in all $332 gone in 1 weekend... leaving me 60 odd dollars to last me 2 weeks...
ITS RIDICULOUS!
Whoever thought that moving to New York with no money was a good idea... IS A FOOL!
I have spent most of the morning, talking, shouting, crying, banging, and chain smoking because of one word, can you guess it... MONEY!!
The ever unhelpful people at Santander have ALL MY MONEY and insist on keeping it, to themselves, without any form of guidance or advice for me as to how to get it, which means, that i am currently in America, penniless, not homeless, but with no means of funds to be able to buy shampoo!
I also get paid only every 2 weeks, which means my measly $400 goes literally in days given the amount I owe people from the week before, and so on, and so on! ITS A NIGHTMARE!! And its scary, man chasing you down the street with a bank statement scary, not i'm gunna kill ya' scary! But still, STRESSFUL!!
I find, that I have NEVER been good with money, a fact my mother knows all too well, having to of bailed me out atleast 10 times, truly without her i would be lost...LOVE YOU MUMMY!! But my addiction to Lush products, parma ham, and an ever so slight drinking problem along with a severe retail habit means that... I get into trouble quite alot... I remember watching 'Confessions of a shopaholic' and thinking, 'Eh, that ain't so bad'. The only thing that comforts me in these hours of worry and heart palpataions, is that, there are people out there worse than me... for one.... my father, having countless divorces, a taste for handmade shoes and living an Opera stars lifestyle on a freelancers budget has led him to a whole world of high interest credit cards, two mortgages, and umpteen court orders, truly such a role model!
But in a world which promises you lifestyles of the rich and famous for only 2%APR it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to refuse, and you find yourself handing over cards, with the words 'CHARGE IT' ringing in your ears, I mean is there any better feeling than buying that 'new little black dress' for Friday night, except that usually i buy the dress, don't try it on, discover it doesn't fit, and it then sits behind my door for a year, before i give it to Oxfam, or Red Cross... In hindsight, mistakes have been made, but you would THINK i would LEARN FROM THEM!
This weekend I am going to Boston, and in all honesty, I am dreading it, only because, i know i will spend my entire wage attempting to keep up with people who brought their entire life savings to party here, have no money for the next two weeks and attempt to live on a dollar a day (surprisingly enough i can do this!) The problem with this experience is you feel that having only a year in New York, you must experience everything and constantly be having an amazing time, so as to justify to your friends that ...'yes, it was worth the 6,000 debt and inferiority complex'. In New York there IS always something to do, but that something is ALSO expensive, and being on minimum wage, but acting like a young professional means there is little or no money to do this with!
For example... I am this weekend, paying for;
A christmas weekend in Vermont - $100
Weekend away in Boston - $ 150
My travel Card - $50
Money owing to freinds - $12
Shampoo & Food - $20
And countless other things i will never be able to afford,
So all in all $332 gone in 1 weekend... leaving me 60 odd dollars to last me 2 weeks...
ITS RIDICULOUS!
Whoever thought that moving to New York with no money was a good idea... IS A FOOL!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
On-Line Dating... The Story So Far
I was informed only yesterday by a very good friend, that 33% OF MARRIAGES came form meeting someone online... how this came to be... i do not know!
I personally, look at on-line dating, as my last resort, my final hoorah, the bottom of the bucket as i swarm the dreggs of the dating circuit, now i acknowledge that being 'larger than the average bear' has its downers, such as
- friction burn due to the old thunder thighs rubbing together
- wobbly chins
- and curves that stick out infront as well as the side
You've never heard a guy turn around and say, 'man, that girls personality was HOT!' BUT nevertheless, there are upsides;
Larger girls, usually have lower self esteem, so are willing to branch out in the bedroom department, which is good... for guys!
We're great for cuddles, due to the bossum!
& due to a life of struggling against the norm, we usually have some killer dress sense!
However, all these things don't seem to be attracting the right kinda man, the men who have approached me on-line have either been;
Morbidly Obese
Maintain questionable facial hair
are only after 1 thing
Slightly retarded
or
Just plain weird... example, one guy decided to tell me the entire plot of a Pushkin novel he was reading and how my tragic lack of self confidence reminded him of the heroine, WHO KILLS HERSELF!! I mean come on!
Now, i kinda took the bull by the horns & messaged some guys i liked the look of i.e cute, tubby, lack of facial hair types that seemed genuine & interesting... WHAT HAPPENS? They look at my profile, and never message back... HOW IS IT that even a cyber meet is met with distaste, you see bloody convicts get dates FROM PRISON yet I am thrown to the wind of forget! Its just plain UNFAIR!!
However, in the midst of this sea of neglect, i have found one questionable applicant who finds me... interesting... However although in all his photo's he is wearing a cap & sunglasses (for all i know he's cross eyed) he seems ok! And the chat is nice, if i'm honest, any kind of attention does make me just a little bit happy!
The only problem is whilst i am only messaging a couple of guys, you have to question, how many are they messaging? what is the appropriate amount to have under your belt? when do you start going on dates? and when is too soon to go on one? The whole thing is a swarming whirlpool of when should i? How should I? and just plain... can i?
Ontop of all this confusingness... I. am. in. love!
Yes in love, with super duper lovely jubbly wubbly wonderfulness that is my work colleague... let's call him.... DREAM BOAT!!
Oh my word, you should see him, a KING amongst men, Tall, Dark, handsome, Lithe (quote mr Sven) and so darn funny my shoes shoot of my feet whenever he speaks to me... WHICH IS OFTEN!! I have NEVER had so much attention of such a handsome man, and in all honesty... it only makes it worse, i dream of him every night, which has led to me wanting to go to sleep earlier & earlier, for in my dreams there he is... and we are in love... and it is beautiful!
*Sigh*
Wherever you are, i hope you are dreaming of your dreamboat too, and if you have him HOLD HIM TIGHTLY!!
Much love!
I personally, look at on-line dating, as my last resort, my final hoorah, the bottom of the bucket as i swarm the dreggs of the dating circuit, now i acknowledge that being 'larger than the average bear' has its downers, such as
- friction burn due to the old thunder thighs rubbing together
- wobbly chins
- and curves that stick out infront as well as the side
You've never heard a guy turn around and say, 'man, that girls personality was HOT!' BUT nevertheless, there are upsides;
Larger girls, usually have lower self esteem, so are willing to branch out in the bedroom department, which is good... for guys!
We're great for cuddles, due to the bossum!
& due to a life of struggling against the norm, we usually have some killer dress sense!
However, all these things don't seem to be attracting the right kinda man, the men who have approached me on-line have either been;
Morbidly Obese
Maintain questionable facial hair
are only after 1 thing
Slightly retarded
or
Just plain weird... example, one guy decided to tell me the entire plot of a Pushkin novel he was reading and how my tragic lack of self confidence reminded him of the heroine, WHO KILLS HERSELF!! I mean come on!
Now, i kinda took the bull by the horns & messaged some guys i liked the look of i.e cute, tubby, lack of facial hair types that seemed genuine & interesting... WHAT HAPPENS? They look at my profile, and never message back... HOW IS IT that even a cyber meet is met with distaste, you see bloody convicts get dates FROM PRISON yet I am thrown to the wind of forget! Its just plain UNFAIR!!
However, in the midst of this sea of neglect, i have found one questionable applicant who finds me... interesting... However although in all his photo's he is wearing a cap & sunglasses (for all i know he's cross eyed) he seems ok! And the chat is nice, if i'm honest, any kind of attention does make me just a little bit happy!
The only problem is whilst i am only messaging a couple of guys, you have to question, how many are they messaging? what is the appropriate amount to have under your belt? when do you start going on dates? and when is too soon to go on one? The whole thing is a swarming whirlpool of when should i? How should I? and just plain... can i?
Ontop of all this confusingness... I. am. in. love!
Yes in love, with super duper lovely jubbly wubbly wonderfulness that is my work colleague... let's call him.... DREAM BOAT!!
Oh my word, you should see him, a KING amongst men, Tall, Dark, handsome, Lithe (quote mr Sven) and so darn funny my shoes shoot of my feet whenever he speaks to me... WHICH IS OFTEN!! I have NEVER had so much attention of such a handsome man, and in all honesty... it only makes it worse, i dream of him every night, which has led to me wanting to go to sleep earlier & earlier, for in my dreams there he is... and we are in love... and it is beautiful!
*Sigh*
Wherever you are, i hope you are dreaming of your dreamboat too, and if you have him HOLD HIM TIGHTLY!!
Much love!
Friday, October 15, 2010
An Impromptu Date with New York
Last night, after a, lets say difficult day at work, especially after the words, 'potentially fired' were thrown around, I wondered home in the rain, with my sodden ballet pumps, the lyrics of Nilson roaming in my mind, I began to believe i was featuring in a Meg Ryan movie, oh it was SO HOPELESS ROMANTIC OF ME!
The rain, the tragedy of it all, so i dragged myself into a bar, to drown my sorrows with a glass of delicious red wine, little did i know that this would be one the most enchanted evenings of my life!
I was literally met with a candlelit bar, the barman rubbing a dirty glass, and some acoustic tunes being played quietly at the back... i was in heaven! Sat on a tall bar stool, the barman began to chat to me (irish barman of course!) and we deliberated on being a foreigner in this audacious city and his stories of 6 ft 5 trannies dancing on the bar top slowly started to bring me out of my melancholy!
After the 2nd glass of wine, (which was given to me FREE) in exchange for more chat, I happily told the bar man of my lust for singing, and then out of nowhere, there i was, a piano in front of me, strangers all around, vying to remember some chords of a song my mother once taught me... that song, to the enjoyment of the tiny crowd was...'isn't she lovely'. I cannot quite describe (atleast accuratly) the feeling of singing to a tiny crowd, on your own, with just a piano for company, it was thrilling and I began to appreciate how New York can turn your day around, it can sweep the rug from under you as well however, but that's another story.
After my little applause, i felt COMPLETELY lifted, and surreal! After i got talking to some delightful American singer who had done a set previous to me, he reminded me of those audacious singers from American Idol, filled with an internal sense of belief and drive, it was nice to come across some real American arrogance, in its own way, its slightly indicative of American culture, and all they've achieved.
Having had some full bodied red wine, i was as happy as a jay bird, and stepped out to have a cheeky cig, there on the 'sidewalk' i came across 3 full bodied gay trannies, huddled together like pink flamingos nattering away... 'ooooh gurl, look at that ass, ya'll strut honayyyyyy', 'ah' i thought to myself these are my people! As i started giggling to myself they couldn't help but notice by jubbly belly hoofing in and out as they exchanged superlatives, before i knew it, we were talking about TRUE BLOOD of all things, saying the words 'SOOKIE' over and over like it were heroine! But knowing that work awaited me the next day... I dragged my sorry ass home, AND it was only 9 O'clock!!
Oh the joy of coming home to an empty apartment! I just let rip, Liza, Christina, Cher & Judy all joined in as i wailed through my favorite diva collections, and i thought back....back to my time in Newcastle, and how much i missed Sven, the little gay pidgeon i hold so dear, the ray of sunshine with his buck teeth, the little package of hilarity that runs through his bones... i miss him RIGHT NOW! This moment! People rarely find soul mates... and he is mine.
Today is a dark day... the day my love affair with Nate ended... today he told me... he has a girlfriend! Oh the SHAME OF IT ALL!! All those lustful looks... all those 'misplaced hands', i never even had a hope... well, whomever his 'special lady' is I WISH YOU NO JOY!....Oh only kidding, of course i do... but your very lucky whoever you are! Having had this tremendous blow, I did something terrible, something dark and something i promised NEVER TO DO!! ...
I am now an internet dater...
OH THE SHAME!
The rain, the tragedy of it all, so i dragged myself into a bar, to drown my sorrows with a glass of delicious red wine, little did i know that this would be one the most enchanted evenings of my life!
I was literally met with a candlelit bar, the barman rubbing a dirty glass, and some acoustic tunes being played quietly at the back... i was in heaven! Sat on a tall bar stool, the barman began to chat to me (irish barman of course!) and we deliberated on being a foreigner in this audacious city and his stories of 6 ft 5 trannies dancing on the bar top slowly started to bring me out of my melancholy!
After the 2nd glass of wine, (which was given to me FREE) in exchange for more chat, I happily told the bar man of my lust for singing, and then out of nowhere, there i was, a piano in front of me, strangers all around, vying to remember some chords of a song my mother once taught me... that song, to the enjoyment of the tiny crowd was...'isn't she lovely'. I cannot quite describe (atleast accuratly) the feeling of singing to a tiny crowd, on your own, with just a piano for company, it was thrilling and I began to appreciate how New York can turn your day around, it can sweep the rug from under you as well however, but that's another story.
After my little applause, i felt COMPLETELY lifted, and surreal! After i got talking to some delightful American singer who had done a set previous to me, he reminded me of those audacious singers from American Idol, filled with an internal sense of belief and drive, it was nice to come across some real American arrogance, in its own way, its slightly indicative of American culture, and all they've achieved.
Having had some full bodied red wine, i was as happy as a jay bird, and stepped out to have a cheeky cig, there on the 'sidewalk' i came across 3 full bodied gay trannies, huddled together like pink flamingos nattering away... 'ooooh gurl, look at that ass, ya'll strut honayyyyyy', 'ah' i thought to myself these are my people! As i started giggling to myself they couldn't help but notice by jubbly belly hoofing in and out as they exchanged superlatives, before i knew it, we were talking about TRUE BLOOD of all things, saying the words 'SOOKIE' over and over like it were heroine! But knowing that work awaited me the next day... I dragged my sorry ass home, AND it was only 9 O'clock!!
Oh the joy of coming home to an empty apartment! I just let rip, Liza, Christina, Cher & Judy all joined in as i wailed through my favorite diva collections, and i thought back....back to my time in Newcastle, and how much i missed Sven, the little gay pidgeon i hold so dear, the ray of sunshine with his buck teeth, the little package of hilarity that runs through his bones... i miss him RIGHT NOW! This moment! People rarely find soul mates... and he is mine.
Today is a dark day... the day my love affair with Nate ended... today he told me... he has a girlfriend! Oh the SHAME OF IT ALL!! All those lustful looks... all those 'misplaced hands', i never even had a hope... well, whomever his 'special lady' is I WISH YOU NO JOY!....Oh only kidding, of course i do... but your very lucky whoever you are! Having had this tremendous blow, I did something terrible, something dark and something i promised NEVER TO DO!! ...
I am now an internet dater...
OH THE SHAME!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wouldn't it be lovely...
IF LIFE WERE A MUSICAL!!
I am sat here at my desk, in a terrible mood as an obvious TOP MODEL contestant is going to start working here, this is.... annoying, especially as I have a crush on like 2 men who don't even look at me now let alone when Ms Beauty Queen works here... plus she's really nice & i really like her so... POO POO TU ROO! But definite friend potential! I'm not sure if any of you GORGOUS CREATURES go though this, but I loathe going out with my good looking friends, guys always come up to me and are like 'Hay, what's your friends name yeah?' and i'm like WHAT'S MY NAME FOOL!?
But ah well.... as mother used to say... 'never a true word said in jest' which has no relevance now but thought i'd throw in a bit of wisdom! May have underthought my outfit today as half my apple arse sticks out the bottom... not a good look, especially next to a GODDESS!! Jeez i'm totally girl crushing right now!
Any1 catch GLEE last night?? If not i shan't ruin anything i'll just say a big ole WOW! That show.... there are no words! I.Love.It! The drama, the romance, and laughs and most of all the MUSIC... MAN can those kids sing... and i always find myself days later still wailing along...walking down the street... on the subway....in work....'do i love ya... my oh MYYYYYYYYY' Woooosh loves it!
I, personally, love to SING! As my previous housemates found out, many a night one would walk in and be 'GURL KEEP IT DOWN TCHA?' Have always been regarded as slightly too loud for my own good...esPECIALly after a few gins.... mmmmm gin.... i think i have a problem!
Am really yearning for some rumpy pumpy... oh Schwab...WHY DONT YOU NOTICE MEEEEE???
Would like to do a big shout out to the NUTS crew in the Big New to the castle, doing a lovely rendition of that show... that Lea Michelle was in before glee, can't remember the name.... but its verrrry cool darling yah? I miss those guys, their idea of a fun time was getting either pissed or high off their asses doing a show then trashing someones house... seriously good times with them, with the bruises to show for it!
In other news, did a big fart in work yesterday... really embarrassing... just slipped out...as they do. urgh will never get my american fella!
Hope you are all well!
I am sat here at my desk, in a terrible mood as an obvious TOP MODEL contestant is going to start working here, this is.... annoying, especially as I have a crush on like 2 men who don't even look at me now let alone when Ms Beauty Queen works here... plus she's really nice & i really like her so... POO POO TU ROO! But definite friend potential! I'm not sure if any of you GORGOUS CREATURES go though this, but I loathe going out with my good looking friends, guys always come up to me and are like 'Hay, what's your friends name yeah?' and i'm like WHAT'S MY NAME FOOL!?
But ah well.... as mother used to say... 'never a true word said in jest' which has no relevance now but thought i'd throw in a bit of wisdom! May have underthought my outfit today as half my apple arse sticks out the bottom... not a good look, especially next to a GODDESS!! Jeez i'm totally girl crushing right now!
Any1 catch GLEE last night?? If not i shan't ruin anything i'll just say a big ole WOW! That show.... there are no words! I.Love.It! The drama, the romance, and laughs and most of all the MUSIC... MAN can those kids sing... and i always find myself days later still wailing along...walking down the street... on the subway....in work....'do i love ya... my oh MYYYYYYYYY' Woooosh loves it!
I, personally, love to SING! As my previous housemates found out, many a night one would walk in and be 'GURL KEEP IT DOWN TCHA?' Have always been regarded as slightly too loud for my own good...esPECIALly after a few gins.... mmmmm gin.... i think i have a problem!
Am really yearning for some rumpy pumpy... oh Schwab...WHY DONT YOU NOTICE MEEEEE???
Would like to do a big shout out to the NUTS crew in the Big New to the castle, doing a lovely rendition of that show... that Lea Michelle was in before glee, can't remember the name.... but its verrrry cool darling yah? I miss those guys, their idea of a fun time was getting either pissed or high off their asses doing a show then trashing someones house... seriously good times with them, with the bruises to show for it!
In other news, did a big fart in work yesterday... really embarrassing... just slipped out...as they do. urgh will never get my american fella!
Hope you are all well!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
More toilet mishaps...
I am the WORST person to live with EVER!
Seriously, I have lost friends over this fact... but last night/this morning i took the biscuit! Last night i decided (heavens knows why) to go for some gins, as well.....i ....just....needed one/some! And i must admit had a delightful evening, you know us girls, chatting away about boys/sex/ex's/flowers/dreams/music blah blah blah, i love girls!! Anywho the big HayZeus decides that 'hay, i need to mix this up a bit'... so THE HEAVENS OPENED on the walk back, and literally it was like being in the shower but outside!
The thunder clapped.... the lightning lit the skies and the rain poured like a jug of warm water... i.was.soaked! And had to even remove my sodden ballet pumps and run through the overflowing gutters which had turned into rivers with no shoes on... needless to say when i returned, i STANK to high heaven! WHAT WAS IN THOSE DRAINS??? But being that it was way past my bed time & i had a few too many tipples i just tipped myself onto the bed...(thankgod for the plastic undersheet) and gave up to guilty sleep... but that was not the end... oh no...
As the body warmed, so did the smell, and it got so bad... a window had to be opened... i really couldn't believe it this morning when i tried to justify NOT having a shower for a few more minutes in bed!
But IT GETS WORSE!! This morning, still dizzy from the gin pixies in my head i....(oh god i am so ashamed of this) FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET!! God knows what they think of me, honestly don't even know HOW it happened but... definitly the worst thing i've done in a while!!
Figure i've got to make it up to them somehow, either by moving out or buying them flowers or something... ah well!
Not sure what it is but me & toilets... NOT GETTING ALONG!
I'm sure its just a temporary blip!
In crush news... its getting from bad to worse, having been away for a couple of days upon his return I was agasp with joy! And when he asked how i was, instead of an aloof ice queen answer, as is suggested in 'how to get the love you want' (great book for dating suggestions) i answered 'oh ALL THE BETTER FOR SEEING YOU'.... i mean really... its ridiculous...but i LOVE him!!
He was away for a wedding this weekend, maybe he is inspired... i'd marry that tubby belly in a NEW YORK MINUTE!
Hope your all very well & remember top FLUSH THE TOILET!!!
Buhbye
Seriously, I have lost friends over this fact... but last night/this morning i took the biscuit! Last night i decided (heavens knows why) to go for some gins, as well.....i ....just....needed one/some! And i must admit had a delightful evening, you know us girls, chatting away about boys/sex/ex's/flowers/dreams/music blah blah blah, i love girls!! Anywho the big HayZeus decides that 'hay, i need to mix this up a bit'... so THE HEAVENS OPENED on the walk back, and literally it was like being in the shower but outside!
The thunder clapped.... the lightning lit the skies and the rain poured like a jug of warm water... i.was.soaked! And had to even remove my sodden ballet pumps and run through the overflowing gutters which had turned into rivers with no shoes on... needless to say when i returned, i STANK to high heaven! WHAT WAS IN THOSE DRAINS??? But being that it was way past my bed time & i had a few too many tipples i just tipped myself onto the bed...(thankgod for the plastic undersheet) and gave up to guilty sleep... but that was not the end... oh no...
As the body warmed, so did the smell, and it got so bad... a window had to be opened... i really couldn't believe it this morning when i tried to justify NOT having a shower for a few more minutes in bed!
But IT GETS WORSE!! This morning, still dizzy from the gin pixies in my head i....(oh god i am so ashamed of this) FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET!! God knows what they think of me, honestly don't even know HOW it happened but... definitly the worst thing i've done in a while!!
Figure i've got to make it up to them somehow, either by moving out or buying them flowers or something... ah well!
Not sure what it is but me & toilets... NOT GETTING ALONG!
I'm sure its just a temporary blip!
In crush news... its getting from bad to worse, having been away for a couple of days upon his return I was agasp with joy! And when he asked how i was, instead of an aloof ice queen answer, as is suggested in 'how to get the love you want' (great book for dating suggestions) i answered 'oh ALL THE BETTER FOR SEEING YOU'.... i mean really... its ridiculous...but i LOVE him!!
He was away for a wedding this weekend, maybe he is inspired... i'd marry that tubby belly in a NEW YORK MINUTE!
Hope your all very well & remember top FLUSH THE TOILET!!!
Buhbye
Monday, October 11, 2010
What to do, how to do, when to do, why to do...
Well Hello again!
It has been a while since my last post, and that's because.... THE TABLES HAVE TURNED... have inadvertently turned into public enemy number 1! Unfortunatly the general public opinion is that i'm a hyouage bitch face... as was demonstrated this morning as i walked passed some people i knew to get to work and they whispered...'she's got a nerve'... GAHHHHH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? So i quickly walked past head ducked low praying to disappear...
So i have decided to make a change, i do NOT want to be known as 'that nasty person who wrote a blog' so have decided to tell the truth... the whole truth... no matter how UGLY it may be! And make some resolutions as well, to aid character change...
Numero uno: Will no longer talk of ANYONE ELSE besides my self in this blog
2: Will lose 50 lbs
3: Will do laundry more than once a fortnight so as not to offend visitors when dirty pants are hanging from the ceiling
4: Will stop longingly staring at office crush to avoid being fired
5: will stop stealing drinks off bars when the barman walks away... bad...v.bad!
6: Will quit smoking.... soon....later.... A YEAR I PROMISE
And yadda yadda yadda... more life changing promises i will probably forget... and OH YES!! Will SAVE MONEY!! And stop talking about sex as it upsets my mum....
Sooooooo yeah, drama!
Have had horrific embarrassing experience in work today.... I was just sitting in reception minding my own business when a woman comes in , ENRAGED... asking, was it you then? I saw you you know? Startled i started blabbering ummm, yes,no i don't know WHAT THE DEVIL IS WRONG?? Now I was shocked when she just downright said... did you just poo in our toilets? Because its blocked and it was someone in your office, and it stinks and we're not paying to have it cleaned up......
I. was. mortified.
After some pleading to keep her voice down, i finally called up maintenance, but nevertheless i am now known as poo girl... and unfortunately i must admit.... it was me.....when ya gotta go ya gotta go!
Had a delightful weekend tho, so instead of focusing on that point I have been happily daydreaming about sleepy hollow and headless horseman and GAHHHHHHH
Sorry was boss, yelling at me telling me to do some work instead of messing around on the computer...
Also crush is not in today, i miss his moobs!
Hope you are all well, & enjoying Columbus day...eeeesh imagine being here all those years ago, i hear it was a blood path ooops POLITICAL!
It has been a while since my last post, and that's because.... THE TABLES HAVE TURNED... have inadvertently turned into public enemy number 1! Unfortunatly the general public opinion is that i'm a hyouage bitch face... as was demonstrated this morning as i walked passed some people i knew to get to work and they whispered...'she's got a nerve'... GAHHHHH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? So i quickly walked past head ducked low praying to disappear...
So i have decided to make a change, i do NOT want to be known as 'that nasty person who wrote a blog' so have decided to tell the truth... the whole truth... no matter how UGLY it may be! And make some resolutions as well, to aid character change...
Numero uno: Will no longer talk of ANYONE ELSE besides my self in this blog
2: Will lose 50 lbs
3: Will do laundry more than once a fortnight so as not to offend visitors when dirty pants are hanging from the ceiling
4: Will stop longingly staring at office crush to avoid being fired
5: will stop stealing drinks off bars when the barman walks away... bad...v.bad!
6: Will quit smoking.... soon....later.... A YEAR I PROMISE
And yadda yadda yadda... more life changing promises i will probably forget... and OH YES!! Will SAVE MONEY!! And stop talking about sex as it upsets my mum....
Sooooooo yeah, drama!
Have had horrific embarrassing experience in work today.... I was just sitting in reception minding my own business when a woman comes in , ENRAGED... asking, was it you then? I saw you you know? Startled i started blabbering ummm, yes,no i don't know WHAT THE DEVIL IS WRONG?? Now I was shocked when she just downright said... did you just poo in our toilets? Because its blocked and it was someone in your office, and it stinks and we're not paying to have it cleaned up......
I. was. mortified.
After some pleading to keep her voice down, i finally called up maintenance, but nevertheless i am now known as poo girl... and unfortunately i must admit.... it was me.....when ya gotta go ya gotta go!
Had a delightful weekend tho, so instead of focusing on that point I have been happily daydreaming about sleepy hollow and headless horseman and GAHHHHHHH
Sorry was boss, yelling at me telling me to do some work instead of messing around on the computer...
Also crush is not in today, i miss his moobs!
Hope you are all well, & enjoying Columbus day...eeeesh imagine being here all those years ago, i hear it was a blood path ooops POLITICAL!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
It'll Be Ok...
Having v. dark day today, have perpetually been in a stew... for reasons... unknown, and feel, confundled and woozy! Perhaps the sudden turn of weather! Oh... look at me talking about the weather! But whenever the weather does decide to suddenly put on its happy face, i feel like that scene from Roger Rabbit, when you're suddenly in cartoon land, the sun is shining, smiling people/bright colored inappropriately dressed cartoons everywhere! It just throws me, i'm like HOW'D YA'LL GET SO CHIRPY ALL OF A SUDDEN?? To me the sun means that i should be outside, drinking pimms and laughing uproarously with someone called 'Gregory'... and always feel guilty when i am... not!
But apart from the nice weather, was plagued by my always unwelcome night terrors last night! Oh yes, i'm a sufferer have been for years!! & not to get spooky but i think...THERE'S A GHOST IN MY ROOM!! Coz get a load of this... whenever i would walk out of the room & turn the light off, IT TURNS BACK ON!! By itself... i mean spooky or what?? I realise it may just be faulty wireing, but i'm perturbed!
Nightmares, i have learnt to handle but ghosts... no, no!
So i thought... does any1 have ideas for coping with a bit of a downer... no...yes... I DO!!
Here's some hints & tips for when you're scared/upset/angry/sad/confundled or woozy!
Eat... you'll be as big as a house but by god you'll feel fabulous!
Get your mum on the phone! - Nothing like a good lecture to bring you right back down to earth
Obsess about a crush... always distracts me *btw my crush has gone to a sub zero i think he has begun to notice my lustful looks and is therefore diverting all converstaion from me to the wall instead*
Think about sex.....mmmmmmmmm
Listen to Amy Winehouse... Because atleast you're not THAT bad!
Try to re-think those moments from your past... 1st time you met your bezzie, when you pooed yourself in high school...sorry nursery etc etc
Listen to some symphony music & pretend to be the conductor!
& the age old tactic... just waste some time!
Am desperately trying to make some exciting plans for the weekend but am not getting far, was going to Boston, but that isn't happening due to my FRIGGIN PHONE costing $60 a month... extortion if you ask me! So may go to a fun fair in staten island or sleepy hollow for more spook... or a football game... al depends on how drunk i get on friday... but from what has happened this week, i'm thinking very...ROLL ON THE WEEKEND!
Hope YOUR weekend plans are coming together well!
Much Love!
But apart from the nice weather, was plagued by my always unwelcome night terrors last night! Oh yes, i'm a sufferer have been for years!! & not to get spooky but i think...THERE'S A GHOST IN MY ROOM!! Coz get a load of this... whenever i would walk out of the room & turn the light off, IT TURNS BACK ON!! By itself... i mean spooky or what?? I realise it may just be faulty wireing, but i'm perturbed!
Nightmares, i have learnt to handle but ghosts... no, no!
So i thought... does any1 have ideas for coping with a bit of a downer... no...yes... I DO!!
Here's some hints & tips for when you're scared/upset/angry/sad/confundled or woozy!
Eat... you'll be as big as a house but by god you'll feel fabulous!
Get your mum on the phone! - Nothing like a good lecture to bring you right back down to earth
Obsess about a crush... always distracts me *btw my crush has gone to a sub zero i think he has begun to notice my lustful looks and is therefore diverting all converstaion from me to the wall instead*
Think about sex.....mmmmmmmmm
Listen to Amy Winehouse... Because atleast you're not THAT bad!
Try to re-think those moments from your past... 1st time you met your bezzie, when you pooed yourself in high school...sorry nursery etc etc
Listen to some symphony music & pretend to be the conductor!
& the age old tactic... just waste some time!
Am desperately trying to make some exciting plans for the weekend but am not getting far, was going to Boston, but that isn't happening due to my FRIGGIN PHONE costing $60 a month... extortion if you ask me! So may go to a fun fair in staten island or sleepy hollow for more spook... or a football game... al depends on how drunk i get on friday... but from what has happened this week, i'm thinking very...ROLL ON THE WEEKEND!
Hope YOUR weekend plans are coming together well!
Much Love!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Friends.... Touching Friends.... Reaching out...Touching me, Touching YOU!
Friends.... Where would we be without them eh? They hold your hand when you break up with that special someone, get drunk with you, see you throw up (sometimes even hold your hair while ya do!), Cry with you, laugh with you, get high with you, argue with you... all that good stuff basically and this post is dedicated to my friends... the old, the new ALL OF THEM, though i don't actually have that many!
If there is one area where i am blessed it is my friends! And all for one reason... THEY THINK I'M HILARIOUS DARLING!! Now... this.... immediately makes me like people, and YOU probably think the same! When someone inextricably laughs at your lame, sexist sometimes even racist jokes.. you gotta love em! But seriously i obviously love my friends for all kinds of different reasons... SO I DECIDED TO MAKE A LIST!!
Now obviously this list is only really interesting to the people it's about, so i won't publish it...instead i'll just talk about some stuff without mentioning names... i'll try make it interesting, throw a cat in amongst with the pidgeons... get some BLOOD ON THE WALLS!!
So let's begin, one of my 'top people' is....*gay*, IN FACT a couple are! Now who would've funk it, that I would of spent most of my years at university trawling gay clubs lookin for tail for MY FRIENDS! This meant i got laid a lot less than i should've! So a big thankyou to them... THANKYOU FOR NOT GETTING ME LAID! 1 word... selfish!
1 thing that can make you feel like the biggest loser in the world is when you go home from uni... and guess what...*tumble weed* nooooones there.... oh it's a lonely time! But hallelujah! Praise be! I WAS ADOPTED! By the loveliest funniest, damn right scary crazy druggie lot you could have ever imagined, the kind of people who... break their noses on bars/camp out in the middle of nowhere and make 'wizard sticks/go and live in eos for a summer.. truly mad free spirits. So another thankyou to these people who... lets say... introduced me to some... substances!
Then there are the friends, you've known all your life... things with them, never really change, even when you don't see them for... a year....2.... they're still your best friend from when you were 8, and you never stop loving them, even though sometimes you feel like you've never been further apart. you're not. .... oooh SENTIMENTAL MUCH??
And finally... NEW FRIENDS!! The scariest kind! Having moved to a new country & started a new course, new friends are a plenty right now, there always seems to be the 'floaters' people, who want to be friends with EVERYONE! These are usually best left alone, as you are only a number to them, a simple 'add on friend' however, you do occasionally get a gem, i have been lucky & found about 5! which is rare! Gem's are people who you click with immediately and ya don't need those awkward silences because you've missed out on being friends for 22 years and MUST KNOW EVERYTHING UP UNTIL THAT MOMENT! They come in all different packages, i've suprised myself with the people i've bonded most with, people i'd never of thought of before, and that's refreshing! You should never be agfraid to go outside of that comfort zone, better things are outside of it! promise!
So... this entry is farrrr too long & preachy! But I will end with this. Cherish your friends, coz you never know when you might need them... unles you're KATY HARRIS & dump your friends as soon as you get a boyfriend... ASS!!
Night Bight lovelies... GLEE TONIGHT HAZAAR!
If there is one area where i am blessed it is my friends! And all for one reason... THEY THINK I'M HILARIOUS DARLING!! Now... this.... immediately makes me like people, and YOU probably think the same! When someone inextricably laughs at your lame, sexist sometimes even racist jokes.. you gotta love em! But seriously i obviously love my friends for all kinds of different reasons... SO I DECIDED TO MAKE A LIST!!
Now obviously this list is only really interesting to the people it's about, so i won't publish it...instead i'll just talk about some stuff without mentioning names... i'll try make it interesting, throw a cat in amongst with the pidgeons... get some BLOOD ON THE WALLS!!
So let's begin, one of my 'top people' is....*gay*, IN FACT a couple are! Now who would've funk it, that I would of spent most of my years at university trawling gay clubs lookin for tail for MY FRIENDS! This meant i got laid a lot less than i should've! So a big thankyou to them... THANKYOU FOR NOT GETTING ME LAID! 1 word... selfish!
1 thing that can make you feel like the biggest loser in the world is when you go home from uni... and guess what...*tumble weed* nooooones there.... oh it's a lonely time! But hallelujah! Praise be! I WAS ADOPTED! By the loveliest funniest, damn right scary crazy druggie lot you could have ever imagined, the kind of people who... break their noses on bars/camp out in the middle of nowhere and make 'wizard sticks/go and live in eos for a summer.. truly mad free spirits. So another thankyou to these people who... lets say... introduced me to some... substances!
Then there are the friends, you've known all your life... things with them, never really change, even when you don't see them for... a year....2.... they're still your best friend from when you were 8, and you never stop loving them, even though sometimes you feel like you've never been further apart. you're not. .... oooh SENTIMENTAL MUCH??
And finally... NEW FRIENDS!! The scariest kind! Having moved to a new country & started a new course, new friends are a plenty right now, there always seems to be the 'floaters' people, who want to be friends with EVERYONE! These are usually best left alone, as you are only a number to them, a simple 'add on friend' however, you do occasionally get a gem, i have been lucky & found about 5! which is rare! Gem's are people who you click with immediately and ya don't need those awkward silences because you've missed out on being friends for 22 years and MUST KNOW EVERYTHING UP UNTIL THAT MOMENT! They come in all different packages, i've suprised myself with the people i've bonded most with, people i'd never of thought of before, and that's refreshing! You should never be agfraid to go outside of that comfort zone, better things are outside of it! promise!
So... this entry is farrrr too long & preachy! But I will end with this. Cherish your friends, coz you never know when you might need them... unles you're KATY HARRIS & dump your friends as soon as you get a boyfriend... ASS!!
Night Bight lovelies... GLEE TONIGHT HAZAAR!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Schadenfreude
To those who have not listened to the musical stylings of Avenue Q, allow me to enlighten you to the meaning of this word;
'Schadenfreude' is in short.... taking joy out of the misfortune of otherS (i really am stealing lyrics here)
However i do not wish to talk about the song, i'm talking about using this in real life!!
Yesterday after a few momosa's I was happily walking around with my muckers, feeling pretty GOOD if ya know what i mean when something made me feel even better... now i feel bad about this but i simply CANNOT HELP the sensation i get when i see someone just slightly worse off than me... as usually i see people who are HAVING A WHALE OF A TIME and i just get the feelin... oh i should be doing that, they are obviously
a. more fun
b. more popular
c. more interesting/funny/educated....you know the rest
Sooooo when i saw this poor unfortunate soul... lets call her *Helen* wondering around, aimlessly on her own... not a friend in the world ... it made me feel so goooooood!!! Here was my FIRST position of power.... and i liked it. I felt like booming... MWAHAHAHAHA I AM COOLER THAN YOU... but i didn't... i kept in under wraps, i just nodded, whilst she spluttered... 'just ya know, walking around... fancied some alone time'. Indeed.... indeed young woman, GOOD FOR YOU!!
Now i know this seems EVIL but we all do it... honestly... well maybe not the christian's amongst us... but i do... and this blog is to say to all of you out there, DON'T FEEL BAD Most of the time, i serve as a tasty treat to all the other people in my life, so go oooon, look on someone less fortunate and let it make you feel better... we all have those days, when life is just a bit poo... so go for it i say!!
In other news, my 'heart of gold, unicorn tainted, lovely jubbly warm & cuddly' mummy gave me some money... AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT IT BACK so i can FINALLY afford food, water... beer..... maybe a cheeky .... DRESS!! (OH NO DON'T LOOK MUM) *i won't go shopping i promise*
Ended up having a terrible weekend, no money mixed with depression & a slight drinking problem meant bumming off my friends... which is bad, & having had a total washout of a weekend, the week ahead is dragging slowly. still. PAYDAY FRIDAY!! Yaaaaaaaaay!
Hope you had a lovely weekend... & your monday goes quickly!!
'Schadenfreude' is in short.... taking joy out of the misfortune of otherS (i really am stealing lyrics here)
However i do not wish to talk about the song, i'm talking about using this in real life!!
Yesterday after a few momosa's I was happily walking around with my muckers, feeling pretty GOOD if ya know what i mean when something made me feel even better... now i feel bad about this but i simply CANNOT HELP the sensation i get when i see someone just slightly worse off than me... as usually i see people who are HAVING A WHALE OF A TIME and i just get the feelin... oh i should be doing that, they are obviously
a. more fun
b. more popular
c. more interesting/funny/educated....you know the rest
Sooooo when i saw this poor unfortunate soul... lets call her *Helen* wondering around, aimlessly on her own... not a friend in the world ... it made me feel so goooooood!!! Here was my FIRST position of power.... and i liked it. I felt like booming... MWAHAHAHAHA I AM COOLER THAN YOU... but i didn't... i kept in under wraps, i just nodded, whilst she spluttered... 'just ya know, walking around... fancied some alone time'. Indeed.... indeed young woman, GOOD FOR YOU!!
Now i know this seems EVIL but we all do it... honestly... well maybe not the christian's amongst us... but i do... and this blog is to say to all of you out there, DON'T FEEL BAD Most of the time, i serve as a tasty treat to all the other people in my life, so go oooon, look on someone less fortunate and let it make you feel better... we all have those days, when life is just a bit poo... so go for it i say!!
In other news, my 'heart of gold, unicorn tainted, lovely jubbly warm & cuddly' mummy gave me some money... AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT IT BACK so i can FINALLY afford food, water... beer..... maybe a cheeky .... DRESS!! (OH NO DON'T LOOK MUM) *i won't go shopping i promise*
Ended up having a terrible weekend, no money mixed with depression & a slight drinking problem meant bumming off my friends... which is bad, & having had a total washout of a weekend, the week ahead is dragging slowly. still. PAYDAY FRIDAY!! Yaaaaaaaaay!
Hope you had a lovely weekend... & your monday goes quickly!!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Personal Facebook Termoils... We all have them
So.... Facebook the well known demon of old, it keeps us plunging for the homepage, to desperatly see if everyone else's lives are truly better than our own... deep man... deep!
Anywho, at the moment I have 3 facebook issues,
The first, (and most relate-able i feel) is the age old problem of THE EX, OH YES WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE!! We know the stomach pit hitting feeling when we see the pop up 'so-un-so is in a relationship' and my situation is well.... different... my ex... lets call him.... 'toothy' (name matched description!) instead of just putting it out there, makes me work to find out he's gotta new woman, as the senseless act of facebook stalking commences (weekly with me), i see the picture entitled... 'me & my beautiful girlfriend at my manor' THE DESCRIPTION ALONE IS UPSETTING this leads to rows of questions such as
1 - Is she prettier than me?
2- Is she better in bed than me?
3 - Will he get married before me....
The sad matter of fact is... he has won, and i have lost, he has beaten me in the great race to the finish line, of 'who will die alone and miserable first'... but ON WITH THE LIST!!
The second turmoil is the illusive, 'I was your friend til i got a boyfriend'.... I DO NOT GET THIS!! You're close to someone like never before... then BOOM you're hit, cut out, THROWN TO THE WOLVES!! But hay, looking at you with your profile picture cuddled up to that 'man of yours' only makes me feel sad, that you have lost the life i hold so dear... that's right ladies THE SINGLE LIFE!! This turmoil again is done through pictures, as the pictures of you and your friend slowly diminish and the ones of her & him grow in number... but hay ho... water off a zebra's behind and all that jazz...
The third (and my most ashamed of) turmoil, is when your formerly fat friends GET THIN! I'm not sure about you, but whenever i imagine myself older i imagine my self a thin, radiant, clear skinned goddess, which is just a matter of time before i magically turn into this person... when your friend gets there before you... IT CUTS YOU TO THE CORE!! I mean sure she hit the gym 5 times a week whilst i was hitting Ben & Jerry's (a much better way to spend my time thankyou very much) but why did the big HayZeus decide to grant her the killer abs after 21 years of wanting... and not me... now this is pure selfish vanity going on here, but by god i'm human ain't i??
To give you an update on my life, i'm kinda falling in love with someone at work... who is COMPLETELY OUTTA MY LEAGUE!! I'm talking he was probably the quarterback in school or something, so i'm sat here eating my curds & way & he keeps strolling back...
me - Dooosh ya need anyfink Nate?
Nate- Ummmm no thanks i'm good
me- Owsh well jusht tell me if youou doo
Nate- Uh ok....thanks
Ridiculous
Much love my Lovelies,... and remember... every1's favorite sound, is the sound of their own name!
Soph
Anywho, at the moment I have 3 facebook issues,
The first, (and most relate-able i feel) is the age old problem of THE EX, OH YES WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE!! We know the stomach pit hitting feeling when we see the pop up 'so-un-so is in a relationship' and my situation is well.... different... my ex... lets call him.... 'toothy' (name matched description!) instead of just putting it out there, makes me work to find out he's gotta new woman, as the senseless act of facebook stalking commences (weekly with me), i see the picture entitled... 'me & my beautiful girlfriend at my manor' THE DESCRIPTION ALONE IS UPSETTING this leads to rows of questions such as
1 - Is she prettier than me?
2- Is she better in bed than me?
3 - Will he get married before me....
The sad matter of fact is... he has won, and i have lost, he has beaten me in the great race to the finish line, of 'who will die alone and miserable first'... but ON WITH THE LIST!!
The second turmoil is the illusive, 'I was your friend til i got a boyfriend'.... I DO NOT GET THIS!! You're close to someone like never before... then BOOM you're hit, cut out, THROWN TO THE WOLVES!! But hay, looking at you with your profile picture cuddled up to that 'man of yours' only makes me feel sad, that you have lost the life i hold so dear... that's right ladies THE SINGLE LIFE!! This turmoil again is done through pictures, as the pictures of you and your friend slowly diminish and the ones of her & him grow in number... but hay ho... water off a zebra's behind and all that jazz...
The third (and my most ashamed of) turmoil, is when your formerly fat friends GET THIN! I'm not sure about you, but whenever i imagine myself older i imagine my self a thin, radiant, clear skinned goddess, which is just a matter of time before i magically turn into this person... when your friend gets there before you... IT CUTS YOU TO THE CORE!! I mean sure she hit the gym 5 times a week whilst i was hitting Ben & Jerry's (a much better way to spend my time thankyou very much) but why did the big HayZeus decide to grant her the killer abs after 21 years of wanting... and not me... now this is pure selfish vanity going on here, but by god i'm human ain't i??
To give you an update on my life, i'm kinda falling in love with someone at work... who is COMPLETELY OUTTA MY LEAGUE!! I'm talking he was probably the quarterback in school or something, so i'm sat here eating my curds & way & he keeps strolling back...
me - Dooosh ya need anyfink Nate?
Nate- Ummmm no thanks i'm good
me- Owsh well jusht tell me if youou doo
Nate- Uh ok....thanks
Ridiculous
Much love my Lovelies,... and remember... every1's favorite sound, is the sound of their own name!
Soph
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Petty Cash, Stress Eating and Procrastination at work... oh my!
Today is a Tuesday... my most hated day of the week!
Tuesday is and now always will be known to me as PETTY CASH DAY otherwise known as DOOOOOOM!!!
I have never been good with numbers, in fact one of my proudest moments was seeing that big C on my GCSE maths results page (my maths teacher felt the same, to him i was a lost cause to the land of 'maybe she's a little special' land)
So when Petty Cash comes around i dread it, needless to say I am still sat here at 5.21 p.m. with an hour to go till home time, having still not completed it... mother would not be happy!! You see all this worry makes my hand inadvertently dive for the 'free provided' peanut M&M's that lay beside my desk.... whomever decided to put them there IS THE DEVIL AND HATES MY THIGHS!!
But i would not wish them gone... i love peanut m&m's and count them in my 5 a day, though i think someone once told me they are actually a lagume, not a nut... weird if said fact is true!!
Have also spent my workday not filling in greensheets (my other job for today) and have instead attempted numerous times to call my mum from the office, but keep getting found out, which results in me slamming down the work phone with a guilty face... not v good... in all honesty its not my fault my darling only friend at work hasn't handed the info in that i need to complete said dreaded work, but i don't have the heart to be angry with him as he is.... MY ONLY FREIND! I'll probs stay late, but my god i'll get the bugger done!!
Have some SERIOUS bitching to do...
Ok .... so .... ONE .... Last night my oh so lovely irish flat mate lets call her *siobhan* (not real name) made cookies for us and invited us to stay in & watch Gossip Girl... so nice you'll agree!! However, who also turns up, but miss, barge in thru the door, shouting at said flat mate, demanding attention like common hussy.... lets call her *Viki* she just swans in parks herslef in my favourite spot, doesn't even introduce herself to me and continues to give me the stink eye, i'm sorry but... WHAT IS THIS?? Honestly the bitchiness that goes on on this Mountbatten programme is UNREAL! Seemingly when the 'september intake' this being me turned up the reaction was, 'HA HA HA we shall show them... WE SHALL SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS' AND BY GOD THEY HAVE TRIED... but i am a firm believer that politeness shall prevail... so I was polite, ( as i could be) did my friendliest Bristolian accent and troddled on!
Anywhoooo i'm getting particuarly suspicous looks, so will go do work now... much love my lovelies, and remember CARBS ARE YOUR FREINDS!!
P.s. My room mate i have discovered is a do gooder, she's doing a bloody sponsored bike ride for MS sufferers, DO I FEEL BAD OR WHAT!! But i did give a cigarette to a homeless man yesterday... does that count?
Tuesday is and now always will be known to me as PETTY CASH DAY otherwise known as DOOOOOOM!!!
I have never been good with numbers, in fact one of my proudest moments was seeing that big C on my GCSE maths results page (my maths teacher felt the same, to him i was a lost cause to the land of 'maybe she's a little special' land)
So when Petty Cash comes around i dread it, needless to say I am still sat here at 5.21 p.m. with an hour to go till home time, having still not completed it... mother would not be happy!! You see all this worry makes my hand inadvertently dive for the 'free provided' peanut M&M's that lay beside my desk.... whomever decided to put them there IS THE DEVIL AND HATES MY THIGHS!!
But i would not wish them gone... i love peanut m&m's and count them in my 5 a day, though i think someone once told me they are actually a lagume, not a nut... weird if said fact is true!!
Have also spent my workday not filling in greensheets (my other job for today) and have instead attempted numerous times to call my mum from the office, but keep getting found out, which results in me slamming down the work phone with a guilty face... not v good... in all honesty its not my fault my darling only friend at work hasn't handed the info in that i need to complete said dreaded work, but i don't have the heart to be angry with him as he is.... MY ONLY FREIND! I'll probs stay late, but my god i'll get the bugger done!!
Have some SERIOUS bitching to do...
Ok .... so .... ONE .... Last night my oh so lovely irish flat mate lets call her *siobhan* (not real name) made cookies for us and invited us to stay in & watch Gossip Girl... so nice you'll agree!! However, who also turns up, but miss, barge in thru the door, shouting at said flat mate, demanding attention like common hussy.... lets call her *Viki* she just swans in parks herslef in my favourite spot, doesn't even introduce herself to me and continues to give me the stink eye, i'm sorry but... WHAT IS THIS?? Honestly the bitchiness that goes on on this Mountbatten programme is UNREAL! Seemingly when the 'september intake' this being me turned up the reaction was, 'HA HA HA we shall show them... WE SHALL SHOW THEM WHO'S BOSS' AND BY GOD THEY HAVE TRIED... but i am a firm believer that politeness shall prevail... so I was polite, ( as i could be) did my friendliest Bristolian accent and troddled on!
Anywhoooo i'm getting particuarly suspicous looks, so will go do work now... much love my lovelies, and remember CARBS ARE YOUR FREINDS!!
P.s. My room mate i have discovered is a do gooder, she's doing a bloody sponsored bike ride for MS sufferers, DO I FEEL BAD OR WHAT!! But i did give a cigarette to a homeless man yesterday... does that count?
Monday, September 27, 2010
Hello, is it me your looking for?
Well Hello there!
Anyone who has dained to visit my little inconsequential blog (apart from my mother) WELCOME!!
Basically have done the ultimate no no and decided to get completely self involved, but allow me to explain what i intend to do with this little message to the universe..
1 - To document my new and temporary life living in New York
2 - To covertly bitch about the people who GRIND ON ME
3 - To inspire/help/aid/ any girls out there like me looking for love, that we all have our own personal tragedies that we must overcome
As this is my first blog i'll just start with a small self indulgent description of my life so far... do not worry have only given my self 500 words to do this!!
My name is Sophia... covert name SophiaWHO many a time said by a boy whom the previous night i had coverted into bed... not really... well maybe...
I am as the title suggests 'round as a rubens' one of my favourite sayings when describing my weight, as you've guessed it, i'm a tubber! Not completly gratuitously fat, but a rounded size 16... don't worry i will supply a picture so ya know what kinda munter you're listening to...
I come from a broken home... WEEP... but really i don't consider it a bad thing... i'm 22, single, and opeing my heart in the big apple, which i have been allowed to live in for a year, due to a slavery contract... only kidding I'M AN INTERN!! God bless us all, we all think we're the luckiest gits in the world when really we're just cheap labour.
I am a white female, if you didn't pick that up already, and I LOVE DOGS. I also love my mum, no seriously too much, i used to have separation anxiety before i went to uni (Newcastle btw) it was fab, met my best friend in the world and guess what... HE'S GAY! I have major love for the gays, which is surprising a once i dated a gay guy (didn't know it at the time) and walked in on him giving another questioanable male freind a blow job....
I work for a post-production company (sounds cooler than it is) and have managed to only develop 1 serious crush on a lovely Jewish boy complete wit h beard & beer belly (Jack Black = my ideal man)
My dad's an opera singer and my mum's a musician who after the messy divorce married the complete polar opposite of my dad, my step dad Mike, a marine engineer from Wales, ever since my life hasn't quite been as glamorous... anywho THAT'S ENPOUGH FOR NOW!!
Talk to ya later... maybe tomorrow
Fags & Booze my freinds, fags & booze!
Anyone who has dained to visit my little inconsequential blog (apart from my mother) WELCOME!!
Basically have done the ultimate no no and decided to get completely self involved, but allow me to explain what i intend to do with this little message to the universe..
1 - To document my new and temporary life living in New York
2 - To covertly bitch about the people who GRIND ON ME
3 - To inspire/help/aid/ any girls out there like me looking for love, that we all have our own personal tragedies that we must overcome
As this is my first blog i'll just start with a small self indulgent description of my life so far... do not worry have only given my self 500 words to do this!!
My name is Sophia... covert name SophiaWHO many a time said by a boy whom the previous night i had coverted into bed... not really... well maybe...
I am as the title suggests 'round as a rubens' one of my favourite sayings when describing my weight, as you've guessed it, i'm a tubber! Not completly gratuitously fat, but a rounded size 16... don't worry i will supply a picture so ya know what kinda munter you're listening to...
I come from a broken home... WEEP... but really i don't consider it a bad thing... i'm 22, single, and opeing my heart in the big apple, which i have been allowed to live in for a year, due to a slavery contract... only kidding I'M AN INTERN!! God bless us all, we all think we're the luckiest gits in the world when really we're just cheap labour.
I am a white female, if you didn't pick that up already, and I LOVE DOGS. I also love my mum, no seriously too much, i used to have separation anxiety before i went to uni (Newcastle btw) it was fab, met my best friend in the world and guess what... HE'S GAY! I have major love for the gays, which is surprising a once i dated a gay guy (didn't know it at the time) and walked in on him giving another questioanable male freind a blow job....
I work for a post-production company (sounds cooler than it is) and have managed to only develop 1 serious crush on a lovely Jewish boy complete wit h beard & beer belly (Jack Black = my ideal man)
My dad's an opera singer and my mum's a musician who after the messy divorce married the complete polar opposite of my dad, my step dad Mike, a marine engineer from Wales, ever since my life hasn't quite been as glamorous... anywho THAT'S ENPOUGH FOR NOW!!
Talk to ya later... maybe tomorrow
Fags & Booze my freinds, fags & booze!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)