Early Halloween Dress up!

So today, everyone was SUPPOSED to come dressed up to work today, to celebrate the age old devil worshiping holiday.... HALLOWEEN!!!

Now i stupidly didn't think twice before supergluing my 'fake moustache' to my upper lip this morning not really taking into account that... no-one else would dress up!!

So here I am, looking a fool, at work;

Happy Halloween everyone, I'm just gunna put it out there, today is one of my FAVORITE holidays!!!

Don't be afraid to make a fool outta yourself... saying that...NEVER GLUE A FAKE MUSTACHE TO YOUR UPPER LIP!! That shit hurts!

By the way I'm Charlie Chaplain... Not Hitler... a lot of people have made that mistake today!

Oh....So DULL!!

The reason I have not written anything in oh so long... is because I AM SO DULL!!

I mean, you would have thought living in New York, working 9 to 5 in a glamorous company would mean, parties a plenty, drunken nights in Soho, singing on off-broadway shows...NO THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!

One of my main aims in coming here would've been to make a celebrity friend, HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN A CELEBRITY!!! Aaaaaaaand the one and only MISS BRADSHAW lives not but round the corner from where i work, saying that, i've probably seen her son & nanny on the way to school... in fact i'm going to pretend i have as i am sure one of the many tiny tots i see running around tribecca wearing questionable toddler esque clothes must surely of been her offspring... I mean... its a given!

My life has become SERIOUSLY similar to my grandma's, i wake up early, complain about prices being too high and am usually ASLEEP by 10.30... although last night i pushed the boat out and stayed up til 11 friggin 45!! OOOOH GET ME! Worst part is that everyone around me seems to be having a WHALE OF A TIME!! Trips to the Guggenheim (whatever THAT is), client brunches in over priced restaurants, late night parties in 'hoat couture' garments... i. simply. have turned into my worst nightmare... BORING GIRL!!

No intrepid excursions of any kind, no auditioning for questionable off Broadway shows, WHICH I PROMISED MYSELF I'D DO! The truth is that after a day of running around for people who get paid about 1000 x what i do, i don't have the heart, I just want to snuggle up in my Duvet & watch Grey's Anatomy & pretend I'm doing something important with my life, like train to be a vet, or devote my life to charity....won't ever actually do this, but the thought is there!

So, I need to get on it, which is why next week I am going to do SOMETHING after work, everyday of the week! Here is my plan

Monday - Go to this Guggenheim place... see what it actually is, maybe take a picture & I'LL UPLOAD IT AS PROOF, hoping that whoever takes this picture does not steal my camera whilst doing so of course.... wouldn't matter my camera's shit anyway!

Tuesday - Either Marie’s Crisis (59 Grove St) Officially a piano bar, and unofficially the home to musical theatre actors when they’re not on tour,  Or Rose’s Turn (55 Grove St) another piano bar, where i hope to make my fortune & meet at least Kristen Chenoweth or half the cast of Cats...


Wednesday - My step daddy is sailing in on his big cruise ship so a nice dinner & gunna try squeeeeeeeze some money outta his wallet!

Thursday - Go to the Opera at the Met, its only $20 if you get there before 6.00pm, listen to some ladies & gents wail it out professional styleee! Ahhhh it'll take me back to my childhood!

Friday - Get the bus to Boston Taaaaaan! Like Londan Taaaaaan.... see Harvard, hit up some PUBS!! The only place in America they exhist seemingly!

Saturday - Continue Boston Frivolities...maybe do some sort of .... trail.... i dunno

Sunday - RELAAAAAAAAAAAX!!

Halloween is just around the corner, and due to the fact i simply cannot 'do' (i.e pull off) sexy I am dressing up as Charlie Chaplain, as he had style, he had wit, he had.... A MUSTACHE!! If there is one thing I WISH i could have had (and not be looked on as a circus performer for doing so) it would have been to grow a mustache! .... btw i do kinda have a lady mustache.... it kills me every time i have to shave that beauty off!

Hope you are all well, and looking forward to GORGING yourself of candyyyyyy!

Get Spooky Kids!

Much love

A Short Note

I just wanted to write a very small note to say how sorry i was to hear that a friend got some terrible news this weekend.

I was so sad to hear that someone was going through such a terrible time, all i want to say is that I am sending you all my love & deepest condolences, you are not alone, and everyone is thinking of you.

Much Love!

Money, money, money, Money....MONEY!

NEVER PUT YOUR MONEY IN A SANTANDER ACCOUNT!!!!!!

I have spent most of the morning, talking, shouting, crying, banging, and chain smoking because of one word, can you guess it... MONEY!!

The ever unhelpful people at Santander have ALL MY MONEY and insist on keeping it, to themselves, without any form of guidance or advice for me as to how to get it, which means, that i am currently in America, penniless, not homeless, but with no means of funds to be able to buy shampoo!

I also get paid only every 2 weeks, which means my measly $400 goes literally in days given the amount I owe people from the week before, and so on, and so on! ITS A NIGHTMARE!! And its scary, man chasing you down the street with a bank statement scary, not i'm gunna kill ya' scary! But still, STRESSFUL!!

I find, that I have NEVER been good with money, a fact my mother knows all too well, having to of bailed me out atleast 10 times, truly without her i would be lost...LOVE YOU MUMMY!! But my addiction to Lush products, parma ham, and an ever so slight drinking problem along with a severe retail habit means that... I get into trouble quite alot... I remember watching 'Confessions of a shopaholic' and thinking, 'Eh, that ain't so bad'. The only thing that comforts me in these hours of worry and heart palpataions, is that, there are people out there worse than me... for one.... my father, having countless divorces, a taste for handmade shoes and living an Opera stars lifestyle on a freelancers budget has led him to a whole world of high interest credit cards, two mortgages, and umpteen court orders, truly such a role model!

But in a world which promises you lifestyles of the rich and famous for only 2%APR it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to refuse, and you find yourself handing over cards, with the words 'CHARGE IT' ringing in your ears, I mean is there any better feeling than buying that 'new little black dress' for Friday night, except that usually i buy the dress, don't try it on, discover it doesn't fit, and it then sits behind my door for a year, before i give it to Oxfam, or Red Cross... In hindsight, mistakes have been made, but you would THINK i would LEARN FROM THEM!

This weekend I am going to Boston, and in all honesty, I am dreading it, only because, i know i will spend my entire wage attempting to keep up with people who brought their entire life savings to party here, have no money for the next two weeks and attempt to live on a dollar a day (surprisingly enough i can do this!) The problem with this experience is you feel that having only a year in New York, you must experience everything and constantly be having an amazing time, so as to justify to your friends that ...'yes, it was worth the 6,000 debt and inferiority complex'. In New York there IS always something to do, but that something is ALSO expensive, and being on minimum wage, but acting like a young professional means there is little or no money to do this with!

For example... I am this weekend, paying for;

A christmas weekend in Vermont - $100
Weekend away in Boston - $ 150
My travel Card - $50
Money owing to freinds - $12
Shampoo & Food - $20
And countless other things i will never be able to afford,

So all in all $332 gone in 1 weekend... leaving me 60 odd dollars to last me 2 weeks...

ITS RIDICULOUS!

Whoever thought that moving to New York with no money was a good idea... IS A FOOL!

On-Line Dating... The Story So Far

I was informed only yesterday by a very good friend, that 33% OF MARRIAGES came form meeting someone online... how this came to be... i do not know!

I personally, look at on-line dating, as my last resort, my final hoorah, the bottom of the bucket as i swarm the dreggs of the dating circuit, now i acknowledge that being 'larger than the average bear' has its downers, such as

- friction burn due to the old thunder thighs rubbing together
- wobbly chins
- and curves that stick out infront as well as the side

You've never heard a guy turn around and say, 'man, that girls personality was HOT!' BUT nevertheless, there are upsides;

Larger girls, usually have lower self esteem, so are willing to branch out in the bedroom department, which is good... for guys!

We're great for cuddles, due to the bossum!

& due to a life of struggling against the norm, we usually have some killer dress sense!

However, all these things don't seem to be attracting the right kinda man, the men who have approached me on-line have either been;

Morbidly Obese
Maintain questionable facial hair
are only after 1 thing
Slightly retarded
or
Just plain weird... example, one guy decided to tell me the entire plot of a Pushkin novel he was reading and how my tragic lack of self confidence reminded him of the heroine, WHO KILLS HERSELF!! I mean come on!

Now, i kinda took the bull by the horns & messaged some guys i liked the look of i.e cute, tubby, lack of facial hair types that seemed genuine & interesting... WHAT HAPPENS? They look at my profile, and never message back... HOW IS IT that even a cyber meet is met with distaste, you see bloody convicts get dates FROM PRISON yet I am thrown to the wind of forget! Its just plain UNFAIR!!

However, in the midst of this sea of neglect, i have found one questionable applicant who finds me... interesting... However although in all his photo's he is wearing a cap & sunglasses (for all i know he's cross eyed) he seems ok! And the chat is nice, if i'm honest, any kind of attention does make me just a little bit happy!

The only problem is whilst i am only messaging a couple of guys, you have to question, how many are they messaging? what is the appropriate amount to have under your belt? when do you start going on dates? and when is too soon to go on one? The whole thing is a swarming whirlpool of when should i? How should I? and just plain... can i?

Ontop of all this confusingness... I. am. in. love!

Yes in love, with super duper lovely jubbly wubbly wonderfulness that is my work colleague... let's call him.... DREAM BOAT!!

Oh my word, you should see him, a KING amongst men, Tall, Dark, handsome, Lithe (quote mr Sven) and so darn funny my shoes shoot of my feet whenever he speaks to me... WHICH IS OFTEN!! I have NEVER had so much attention of such a handsome man, and in all honesty... it only makes it worse, i dream of him every night, which has led to me wanting to go to sleep earlier & earlier, for in my dreams there he is... and we are in love... and it is beautiful!


*Sigh*

Wherever you are, i hope you are dreaming of your dreamboat too, and if you have him HOLD HIM TIGHTLY!!

Much love!

An Impromptu Date with New York

Last night, after a, lets say difficult day at work, especially after the words, 'potentially fired' were thrown around, I wondered home in the rain, with my sodden ballet pumps, the lyrics of Nilson roaming in my mind, I began to believe i was featuring in a Meg Ryan movie, oh it was SO HOPELESS ROMANTIC OF ME!

The rain, the tragedy of it all, so i dragged myself into a bar, to drown my sorrows with a glass of delicious red wine, little did i know that this would be one the most enchanted evenings of my life!

I was literally met with a candlelit bar, the barman rubbing a dirty glass, and some acoustic tunes being played quietly at the back... i was in heaven! Sat on a tall bar stool, the barman began to chat to me (irish barman of course!) and we deliberated on being a foreigner in this audacious city and his stories of 6 ft 5 trannies dancing on the bar top slowly started to bring me out of my melancholy!

After the 2nd glass of wine, (which was given to me FREE) in exchange for more chat, I happily told the bar man of my lust for singing, and then out of nowhere, there i was, a piano in front of me, strangers all around, vying to remember some chords of a song my mother once taught me... that song, to the enjoyment of the tiny crowd was...'isn't she lovely'. I cannot quite describe (atleast accuratly) the feeling of singing to a tiny crowd, on your own, with just a piano for company, it was thrilling and I began to appreciate how New York can turn your day around, it can sweep the rug from under you as well however, but that's another story.

After my little applause, i felt COMPLETELY lifted, and surreal! After i got talking to some delightful American singer who had done a set previous to me, he reminded me of those audacious singers from American Idol, filled with an internal sense of belief and drive, it was nice to come across some real American arrogance, in its own way, its slightly indicative of American culture,  and all they've achieved.

Having had some full bodied red wine, i was as happy as a jay bird, and stepped out to have a cheeky cig, there on the 'sidewalk' i came across 3 full bodied gay trannies, huddled together like pink flamingos nattering away... 'ooooh gurl, look at that ass, ya'll strut honayyyyyy', 'ah' i thought to myself these are my people! As i started giggling to myself they couldn't help but notice by jubbly belly hoofing in and out as they exchanged superlatives, before i knew it, we were talking about TRUE BLOOD of all things, saying the words 'SOOKIE' over and over like it were heroine! But knowing that work awaited me the next day... I dragged my sorry ass home, AND it was only 9 O'clock!!

Oh the joy of coming home to an empty apartment! I just let rip, Liza, Christina, Cher & Judy all joined in as i wailed through my favorite diva collections, and i thought back....back to my time in Newcastle, and how much i missed Sven, the little gay pidgeon i hold so dear, the ray of sunshine with his buck teeth, the little package of hilarity that runs through his bones... i miss him RIGHT NOW! This moment! People rarely find soul mates... and he is mine.

Today is a dark day... the day my love affair with Nate ended... today he told me... he has a girlfriend! Oh the SHAME OF IT ALL!! All those lustful looks... all those 'misplaced hands', i never even had a hope... well, whomever his 'special lady' is I WISH YOU NO JOY!....Oh only kidding, of course i do... but your very lucky whoever you are! Having had this tremendous blow, I did something terrible, something dark and something i promised NEVER TO DO!! ...

I am now an internet dater...

OH THE SHAME!

Wouldn't it be lovely...

IF LIFE WERE A MUSICAL!!

I am sat here at my desk, in a terrible mood as an obvious TOP MODEL contestant is going to start working here, this is.... annoying, especially as I have a crush on like 2 men who don't even look at me now let alone when Ms Beauty Queen works here... plus she's really nice & i really like her so... POO POO TU ROO! But definite friend potential! I'm not sure if any of you GORGOUS CREATURES go though this, but I loathe going out with my good looking friends, guys always come up to me and are like 'Hay, what's your friends name yeah?' and i'm like WHAT'S MY NAME FOOL!?

But ah well.... as mother used to say... 'never a true word said in jest' which has no relevance now but thought i'd throw in a bit of wisdom! May have underthought my outfit today as half my apple arse sticks out the bottom... not a good look, especially next to a GODDESS!! Jeez i'm totally girl crushing right now!

Any1 catch GLEE last night?? If not i shan't ruin anything i'll just say a big ole WOW! That show.... there are no words! I.Love.It! The drama, the romance, and laughs and most of all the MUSIC... MAN can those kids sing... and i always find myself days later still wailing along...walking down the street... on the subway....in work....'do i love ya... my oh MYYYYYYYYY' Woooosh loves it!

I, personally, love to SING! As my previous housemates found out, many a night one would walk in and be 'GURL KEEP IT DOWN TCHA?' Have always been regarded as slightly too loud for my own good...esPECIALly after a few gins.... mmmmm gin.... i think i have a problem!

Am really yearning for some rumpy pumpy... oh Schwab...WHY DONT YOU NOTICE MEEEEE???

Would like to do a big shout out to the NUTS crew in the Big New to the castle, doing a lovely rendition of that show... that Lea Michelle was in before glee, can't remember the name.... but its verrrry cool darling yah? I miss those guys, their idea of a fun time was getting either pissed or high off their asses doing a show then trashing someones house... seriously good times with them, with the bruises to show for it!

In other news, did a big fart in work yesterday... really embarrassing... just slipped out...as they do. urgh will never get my american fella!

Hope you are all well!

More toilet mishaps...

I am the WORST person to live with EVER!

Seriously, I have lost friends over this fact... but last night/this morning i took the biscuit! Last night i decided (heavens knows why) to go for some gins, as well.....i ....just....needed one/some! And i must admit had a delightful evening, you know us girls, chatting away about boys/sex/ex's/flowers/dreams/music blah blah blah, i love girls!! Anywho the big HayZeus decides that 'hay, i need to mix this up a bit'... so THE HEAVENS OPENED on the walk back, and literally it was like being in the shower but outside!

The thunder clapped.... the lightning lit the skies and the rain poured like a jug of warm water... i.was.soaked! And had to even remove my sodden ballet pumps and run through the overflowing gutters which had turned into rivers with no shoes on... needless to say when i returned, i STANK to high heaven! WHAT WAS IN THOSE DRAINS??? But being that it was way past my bed time & i had a few too many tipples i just tipped myself onto the bed...(thankgod for the plastic undersheet) and gave up to guilty sleep... but that was not the end... oh no...

As the body warmed, so did the smell, and it got so bad... a window had to be opened... i really couldn't believe it this morning when i tried to justify NOT having a shower for a few more minutes in bed!

But IT GETS WORSE!! This morning, still dizzy from the gin pixies in my head i....(oh god i am so ashamed of this) FORGOT TO FLUSH THE TOILET!! God knows what they think of me, honestly don't even know HOW it happened but... definitly the worst thing i've done in a while!!

Figure i've got to make it up to them somehow, either by moving out or buying them flowers or something... ah well!

Not sure what it is but me & toilets... NOT GETTING ALONG!

I'm sure its just a temporary blip!

In crush news... its getting from bad to worse, having been away for a couple of days upon his return I was agasp with joy! And when he asked how i was, instead of an aloof ice queen answer, as is suggested in 'how to get the love you want' (great book for dating suggestions) i answered 'oh ALL THE BETTER FOR SEEING YOU'.... i mean really... its ridiculous...but i LOVE him!!

He was away for a wedding this weekend, maybe he is inspired... i'd marry that tubby belly in a NEW YORK MINUTE!

Hope your all very well & remember top FLUSH THE TOILET!!!

Buhbye

What to do, how to do, when to do, why to do...

Well Hello again!

It has been a while since my last post, and that's because.... THE TABLES HAVE TURNED... have inadvertently turned into public enemy number 1! Unfortunatly the general public opinion is that i'm a hyouage bitch face... as was demonstrated this morning as i walked passed some people i knew to get to work and they whispered...'she's got  a nerve'... GAHHHHH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? So i quickly walked past head ducked low praying to disappear...

So i have decided to make a change, i do NOT want to be known as 'that nasty person who wrote a blog' so have decided to tell the truth... the whole truth... no matter how UGLY it may be! And make some resolutions as well, to aid character change...

Numero uno: Will no longer talk of ANYONE ELSE besides my self in this blog

2: Will lose 50 lbs

3: Will do laundry more than once a fortnight so as not to offend visitors when dirty pants are hanging from the ceiling

4: Will stop longingly staring at office crush to avoid being fired

5: will stop stealing drinks off bars when the barman walks away... bad...v.bad!

6: Will quit smoking.... soon....later.... A YEAR I PROMISE

And yadda yadda yadda... more life changing promises i will probably forget... and OH YES!! Will SAVE MONEY!! And stop talking about sex as it upsets my mum....

Sooooooo yeah, drama!

Have had horrific embarrassing experience in work today.... I was just sitting in reception minding my own business when a woman comes in , ENRAGED... asking, was it you then? I saw you you know? Startled i started blabbering ummm, yes,no i don't know WHAT THE DEVIL IS WRONG?? Now I was shocked when she just downright said... did you just poo in our toilets? Because its blocked and it was someone in your office, and it stinks and we're not paying to have it cleaned up......

I. was. mortified.

After some pleading to keep her voice down, i finally called up maintenance, but nevertheless i am now known as poo girl... and unfortunately i must admit.... it was me.....when ya gotta go ya gotta go!

Had a delightful weekend tho, so instead of focusing on that point I have been happily daydreaming about sleepy hollow and headless horseman and GAHHHHHHH

Sorry was boss, yelling at me telling me to do some work instead of messing around on the computer...

Also crush is not in today, i miss his moobs!

Hope you are all well, & enjoying Columbus day...eeeesh imagine being here all those years ago, i hear it was a blood path ooops POLITICAL!

It'll Be Ok...

Having v. dark day today, have perpetually been in a stew... for reasons... unknown, and feel, confundled and woozy! Perhaps the sudden turn of weather! Oh... look at me talking about the weather! But whenever the weather does decide to suddenly put on its happy face, i feel like that scene from Roger Rabbit, when  you're suddenly in cartoon land, the sun is shining, smiling people/bright colored inappropriately dressed cartoons everywhere! It just throws me, i'm like HOW'D YA'LL GET SO CHIRPY ALL OF A SUDDEN?? To me the sun means that i should be outside, drinking pimms and laughing uproarously with someone called 'Gregory'... and always feel guilty when i am... not!

But apart from the nice weather, was plagued by my always unwelcome night terrors last night! Oh yes, i'm a sufferer have been for years!! & not to get spooky but i think...THERE'S A GHOST IN MY ROOM!! Coz get a load of this... whenever i would walk out of the room & turn the light off, IT TURNS BACK ON!! By itself... i mean spooky or what?? I realise it may just be faulty wireing, but i'm perturbed!

Nightmares, i have learnt to handle but ghosts... no, no!

So i thought... does any1 have ideas for coping with a bit of a downer... no...yes... I DO!!

Here's some hints & tips for when you're scared/upset/angry/sad/confundled or woozy!

Eat... you'll be as big as a house but by god you'll feel fabulous!
Get your mum on the phone! - Nothing like a good lecture to bring you right back down to earth
Obsess about a crush... always distracts me *btw my crush has gone to a sub zero i think he has begun to notice my lustful looks and is therefore diverting all converstaion from me to the wall instead*
Think about sex.....mmmmmmmmm
Listen to Amy Winehouse... Because atleast you're not THAT bad!
Try to re-think those moments from your past... 1st time you met your bezzie, when you pooed yourself in high school...sorry nursery etc etc
Listen to some symphony music & pretend to be the conductor!
& the age old tactic... just waste some time!

Am desperately trying to make some exciting plans for the weekend but am not getting far, was going to Boston, but that isn't happening due to my FRIGGIN PHONE costing $60 a month... extortion if you ask me! So may go to a fun fair in staten island or sleepy hollow for more spook... or a football game... al depends on how drunk i get on friday... but from what has happened this week, i'm thinking very...ROLL ON THE WEEKEND!

Hope YOUR weekend plans are coming together well!

Much Love!

Friends.... Touching Friends.... Reaching out...Touching me, Touching YOU!

Friends.... Where would we be without them eh? They hold your hand when you break up with that special someone, get drunk with you, see you throw up (sometimes even hold your hair while ya do!), Cry with you, laugh with you, get high with you, argue with you... all that good stuff basically and this post is dedicated to my friends... the old, the new ALL OF THEM, though i don't actually have that many!

If there is one area where i am blessed it is my friends! And all for one reason... THEY THINK I'M HILARIOUS DARLING!! Now... this.... immediately makes me like people, and YOU probably think the same! When someone inextricably laughs at your lame, sexist sometimes even racist jokes.. you gotta love em! But seriously i obviously love my friends for all kinds of different reasons... SO I DECIDED TO MAKE A LIST!!


Now obviously this list is only really interesting to the people it's about, so i won't publish it...instead i'll just talk about some stuff without mentioning names... i'll try make it interesting, throw a cat in amongst with the pidgeons... get some BLOOD ON THE WALLS!!

So let's begin, one of my 'top people' is....*gay*, IN FACT a couple are! Now who would've funk it, that I would of spent most of my years at university trawling gay clubs lookin for tail for MY FRIENDS! This meant i got laid a lot less than i should've! So a big thankyou to them... THANKYOU FOR NOT GETTING ME LAID! 1 word... selfish!

1 thing that can make you feel like the biggest loser in the world is when you go home from uni... and guess what...*tumble weed* nooooones there.... oh it's a lonely time! But hallelujah! Praise be! I WAS ADOPTED! By the loveliest funniest, damn right scary crazy druggie lot you could have ever imagined, the kind of people who... break their noses on bars/camp out in the middle of nowhere and make 'wizard sticks/go and live in eos for a summer.. truly mad free spirits. So another thankyou to these people who... lets say... introduced me to some... substances!

Then there are the friends, you've known all your life... things with them, never really change, even when you don't see them for... a year....2.... they're still your best friend from when you were 8, and you never stop loving them, even though sometimes you feel like you've never been further apart. you're not. .... oooh SENTIMENTAL MUCH??

And finally... NEW FRIENDS!! The scariest kind! Having moved to a new country & started a new course, new friends are a plenty right now, there always seems to be the 'floaters' people, who want to be friends with EVERYONE! These are usually best left alone, as you are only a number to them, a simple 'add on friend' however, you do occasionally get a gem, i have been lucky & found about 5! which is rare! Gem's are people who you click with immediately and ya don't need those awkward silences because you've missed out on being friends for 22 years and MUST KNOW EVERYTHING UP UNTIL THAT MOMENT! They come in all different packages, i've suprised myself with the people i've bonded most with, people i'd never of thought of before, and that's refreshing! You should never be agfraid to go outside of that comfort zone, better things are outside of it! promise!

So... this entry is farrrr too long & preachy! But I will end with this. Cherish your friends, coz you never know when you might need them... unles you're KATY HARRIS & dump your friends as soon as you get a boyfriend... ASS!!

Night Bight lovelies... GLEE TONIGHT HAZAAR!

Schadenfreude

To those who have not listened to the musical stylings of Avenue Q, allow me to enlighten you to the meaning of this word;

'Schadenfreude' is in short.... taking joy out of the misfortune of otherS (i really am stealing lyrics here) 

However i do not wish to talk about the song, i'm talking about using this in real life!!

Yesterday after a few momosa's I was happily walking around with my muckers, feeling pretty GOOD if ya know what i mean when something made me feel even better... now i feel bad about this but i simply CANNOT HELP the sensation i get when i see someone just slightly worse off than me... as usually i see people who are HAVING A WHALE OF A TIME and i just get the feelin... oh i should be doing that, they are obviously

a. more fun
b. more popular
c. more interesting/funny/educated....you know the rest

Sooooo when i saw this poor unfortunate soul... lets call her *Helen* wondering around, aimlessly on her own... not a friend in the world ... it made me feel so goooooood!!! Here was my FIRST position of power.... and i liked it. I felt like booming... MWAHAHAHAHA I AM COOLER THAN YOU... but i didn't... i kept in under wraps, i just nodded, whilst she spluttered... 'just ya know, walking around... fancied some alone time'. Indeed.... indeed young woman, GOOD FOR YOU!! 

Now i know this seems EVIL but we all do it... honestly... well maybe not the christian's amongst us... but i do... and this blog is to say to all of you out there, DON'T FEEL BAD Most of the time, i serve as a tasty treat to all the other people in my life, so go oooon, look on someone less fortunate and let it make you feel better... we all have those days, when life is just a bit poo... so go for it i say!!

In other news, my 'heart of gold, unicorn tainted, lovely jubbly warm & cuddly' mummy gave me some money... AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT IT BACK so i can FINALLY  afford food, water... beer..... maybe a cheeky .... DRESS!! (OH NO DON'T LOOK MUM) *i won't go shopping i promise*

Ended up having a terrible weekend, no money mixed with depression & a slight drinking problem meant bumming off my friends... which is bad, & having had a total washout of a weekend, the week ahead is dragging slowly. still. PAYDAY FRIDAY!! Yaaaaaaaaay!

Hope you had a lovely weekend... & your monday goes quickly!!