In the second installment of my Christmas get-away.... I have a few words to say;
It has taken me 2 whole weeks to gather the courage to go back to my memories of this time.... I am not even sure I will be able to construe the HORROR of what I went through that fateful Boxing day..... and the day after....
All i can tell you is..... I HAVE SEEN HELL!!
After a most joyous Christmas .... apart from the odd hiccup.... it was time to pack up our old kit bags.... and smile..... and wave goodbye to our idyllic little cabin & Christmas break.....
After the traditional 'left over sandwiches' and home made milkshakes and a slight gander at a very suspicious film named the 'Last Black Stallion' at around 3 pm we decided to hit the road.... as 'Doc' our kindly renter had warned us of a storm approaching.... a blizzard to be exact.... but in our youth & arrogance we ignored his advice... and decided to set off later.... because WHO would EVER want to get up at 5 am when they are on holiday? Oh..... how foolish we were!
It was decided that as 'Phoebe' and 'Kiki' had driven up, myself and 'Monica' would drive back.... splitting it 50/50.... due to 'Monica's' more extensive reign over motorway driving.... it was decided that I would begin the journey.... and I was HAPPY to oblige.... i love driving.... it gives me a sense of control in a world where i so rarely have any! So off we went.... singing along to 'Whip my Hair' and 'No Diggity' we sprung across the beautiful American countryside.... or whatever its called here.... and contemplated the dullness of going back to work.... and our regular lives....
Now I'm not saying that driving an automatic car is difficult, it isn't, but when you are CONSTANTLY being reminded by everyone in the car but yourself.... 'mind the brakes' ...... 'have you got your seat belt on' ...... 'your driving on the wrong side of the road' ...... (honest mistake, could happen to anyone) you begin to get a little fed up! After the ever faithful 'Monica' had navigated us out of Northville.... a dark..... dank..... terrifying cloud laid upon the car..... the first speckles of beautiful little snow flakes began to fall and as we all sighed thinking 'how ironic.... snow fall the day AFTER Christmas' the snow began to really fall.... and it was only 4 in the afternoon....
The further we drove the deeper the snow got.... and before I knew it it was difficult to even tell where the road began and where the ditch ended.... constant mutterings,,, such as, 'your going into the hard shoulder soph' ..... 'Soph your veering' ..... 'Soph your taking up TWO LANES' just spun and spun.... I began to think.... shit.
As the windscreen started to frost up and wipers began to seize I was so tense my shoulders were now above my head..... with Lorry's and Bus's and campavans all veering right beside me, and doing a maximum of 10 miles per hour people were getting antsy with my driving.... I was told by 'Kiki' that she 'had driven in much worse than this' ..... 'Learnt to drive in snow'.... etc so I happily gave over the reigns to 'Monica' as my poor head was throbbing from all the concentration (especially as had not really thought of anything over the past couple of days)
Then the snow got worse.....
Much worse.....
In fact.... 'Monica' got so friggin scared that we had to pull in to our THIRD petrol station and just calm down and swop over with 'Kiki' whilst simultaneously crying and exclaiming.... 'WE SHOULDN'T GO ON..... This is MADNESS.... MADNESS!!!'
However after some french fries and full fat coke we all calmed down..... I was highly tempted to reach for the emergency miniature Gin my mum had given me for work related stress..... but I didn't, everyone was highly strung.... and for a change the back seat grew very quiet whilst 'Kiki' pulled out into the wintery icy death road....
Then.... whilst singing the ENTIRE way through The sound of Music..... Disaster struck.... the car simply stopped moving, and was veering from lane to lane.... cars around us had just stopped, or got stuck or been abandoned by drivers who DID NOT WANT TO DIE!!!
In a desperate attempt to help i started to shimmy back and forth in my seat in order to inspire the car to life.... but was met with chants of 'SOPHIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! We'll veer backwards and DIE' .... so i stopped. After a painstaking 30 minutes of drifting in between lanes with lorry's bus's and campavans (oh My) beeping tooting and bumping into us, the car decided to wake up from its nap.... and we got moving... after this did we decide to stop & find shelter...... naaaaaah
Now during all of this ... poor 'Phoebe' who was unfortunately placed in the passengers seat, kept having to dice with death in 4 feet snow.... with BALLET pumps on and try and de-ice the windscreen.... with nothing but her sleeves, again Lorry's and Bus's and campavans did get Very VERY close to her small frame, in fact one got so close that we all simultaneously screamed..... 'Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' fearing to see the first live action death of our lives!!!
Carrying on after a painstaking 10 hours of the above descriptions repeated 5 times over... we reached New Jersey.... when things got much worse.... exhausted at hearing the words;
'We're on the home stretch now' ..... 'we're on the homestretch now'...... 'we're on the homestretch now'
We were oh so close.... literally about 10 miles from home.... except it took 4 hours to travel 10 miles.....
As we pulled onto the slip road to get into Hoboken.... we found about 4 cars stuck and ve ve ve vuuurrrrrving their cars like it was the last thing they would ever do, to get out of it.... then.... we got stuck.... on a Hill,
As 4 girls got out and pulled our sucky little rental up an iced over slip road, some stranger shouts, 'Hay! Don't go up there!'
'We're just trying to GET HOME!!!!'
'Where ya goin'
'Newport'
'OK, follow me'
SAVIORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
Mr 4by4 drove about 2 yards, looked at the 5 foot of snow blocking the way and buggered off..... So much for a savior.... so we got stuck again, and began to try and kick our way out of the snow.... did i mention it was -15? And all i had on was a cardigan? It was SO cold....my hair froze.... never felt more like Kate Winslet when she's on the debris of the Titanic muttering.... 'never let go jack.... never let go' (I will admit that whilst kicking away the snow i did mutter this to myself... for dramatic effect)
After about 10 minutes we got stuck again, and a very scary snow goggled man wandered upto the car, having no idea where the hell we were now, due to countless detours we asked him 'Where are we?',
His reply;
"Your out in a blizzard and you dont know where ya'll goin?"
"What are ya crazy?"
Yes would be the eternal answer!
Then the heavens opened and sent us an angel... well a plough to be honest, and a plough that actually stopped to help us
He even offered to take us home!
'Where ya off to?'
'We live right by the mall'!
'The mall..... whataya wanna do.... go shopping?'
As we slowly followed him home, we raucously laughed as we sped past the hundreds of cars stuck on the motorway.... ' ha ha ha' we cried 'we have a plough'.... this was stupid
As five minutes later we were stuck again.... seriously stuck..... and we had run out of petrol.... and our tire was flat.
It is fair to say that we had all just about given up, after pulling our sorry selves through the snow, so cold I had forgotten what warmth ever even felt like, we bought $4 worth of petrol in a can and attempted to shovel our way out of the snow..... it didn't work.
But after 4 cups of coffee in a near by gas station, we faced the snow again, pushed that god damn car out of the 5 mile high snow drift, abandoned the car and walked the rest of the way home.... in -15....in the wind...... and the snow..... it was like the north pole exposition, except that 'Phoebe' 'Monica' and 'Mary' walked off leaving me & Kiki to fend through the snow alone.... with her shitty GPS to aid us....there was one point we reached a HUMONGUS MOUND OF SNOW!!
My words of advice at reaching such mounds when all you want to do is die....
'Stop Drop and ROOOOOOLLLLLLLL'
We rolled down that hill and then, we were home.
Not for long though as the next day we had to go find the car.... but that's another story, one I wont bore you with!
