Being Unemployed

There are many stigmas related to being unemployed...some say YOU'RE A BIG FAT FAILURE...some say...you're taking some time to rediscover yourself, some say ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ya  just CANNOT be bothered any more, but having been unemployed for almost three months I can now say, most of the time, I'm either watching movies/porn/TV shows/reading blogs or a mixture of all four.

Now, obviously, after only THREE MONTHS I'm no expert, but it's not exactly the first time I've been unemployed...and these are just a few things I've found have stood out about the experience;

a) SIGNING ON, arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the moment you walk into that job centre, you sit there and are basically accused of 'CHEATING THE SYSTEM' from the word go...also...everyone seems to think you have kids. The amount of times I've had to desperately plead 'I DON'T HAVE ANY HIDDEN GOLD' just doesn't seem to get through and I'm curiously appraised up and down with that disparaging look of 'what went wrong here'? The truth of the matter is, signing on isn't fun.

b) Applying to jobs; a.k.a THE DEATHLY SILENCE.

c) Interviews; Everyone knows interviews are awful, no right minded British person wants to get up on stage and say how brilliant they are (bar politicians, and who trusts them! Eh? EH?) But you have to, you have to 'talk through your CV' (whatever that means) and say what your strengths & weaknesses are (going through a pint of ben & jerry's in under a minute & being attracted to cruel men if you're interested). And I HATE myself after EVERY interview  because I come across as the fakeyest person in all the land! I put on my 'pretend to be Sophie Dahl' face and none of those managers get to see the real me...thank god though as I don't think anyones going to be impressed by someone who does Zooey Deschanel impressions. *By the by doesn't everyone want to BE her?....another conversation perhaps*

d) Bed; My life is spent in bed now. My bed is sectionalised into an office/table/confectionery/cinema/sleepy place and occasional kitchen (my new concoction is galaxy pieces with peanut butter) YUM! *As a side note I should mention I've put on over a stone since being unemployed, which is weird considering I Can't even afford melba toast!

e) Hobby's; I did that 'thing' whereby I told myself, I'VE GOT ALL THIS FREE TIME LET'S LEARN. So I thought about reading all the classics, like Pride & Prejudice & Anna Karenina, or learning French Italian/Spanish...but all I've ended up with is late return fees at the library and an untouched box set of French lessons. I have however grown a STRONG dependency on Wes Anderson movies, which is just as educational...

f) The hard bit; The hard bit is a mixture of the two things I can never bear to talk about, a.k.a. real shit...which is an amalgamation of money & loneliness. As your friends eventually grow up and you stay stagnant, stuck between living with your parents and drinking alone, it becomes increasingly difficult to relate. Also, money. Money means you can't necessarily afford to go out this week, and when everyone else is, that can be a tricky situation. It can also mean in some of the 'worse' situations, like when you get bailiffs banging at your door, or being blacklisted or just having nothing left of your overdraft when you REALLY WANT A NEW DRESS! But this can all be cured by sticking your ore in, facing up to those blackbirds and curing you of your adolescence. (Hasn't happened yet but here's hoping)!

g) Your Facebook wall; This can be the WORST part of your day, (occasionally the best when you get a notification however). A good friend once told me that people are now PRing their own lives, which I think is unavoidable nowadays anyway, by god I've done it myself. Unfortunately there's nothing worse than seeing other people doing incredibly well whilst your life goes irrevocably down the toilet. But the best thing to do is wish those people well (whilst holding up a proud middle finger to your computer screen) because karma comes back to you, being bitter isn't healthy, and deep down I know they got there through hard work, dedication... and there's a reason they're my friends...because they're awesome!

Overall, everyone at some point or another is going to be unemployed, so even if you're all alone in it right now, we're all together in it really. Sometimes I take comfort in that...