Hay Billy Joel....F*%$ You!

Have you heard the song.....'Always a Woman to Me', its by my new personal enemy number 1....Billy Joel. The song was recently covered by Fyfe Dangermouse (real name Dangerfield, but my version is better) on that John Lewis advert which followed this kid around until she was grown up....and yeah I cried, i'm not ashamed, that old woman looked just like my mum, like all mums in fact, and I. Love. Mums.

He's saying: 'Man Power'

But if you give this song a listen, as I did on my hectic and tragic commute to work this morning, I found myself getting angrier and angrier, as not only was I being attacked left right and center by elbows, women, children, and fighter pilots, but by THE SONG RINGING IN MY EARS!

Because, if you give it a real listen, and listen closely, it's a big old yankee doodle FUCK YOU to women all over, any woman, me, you, your mum, your friends sister, her friends sister, your old teacher, the woman from the bakeshop, Kat Deely, Mother Teresa, basically, Billy Joel likes NONE of these people...

Allow me to enlighten you......with some lyrics;

She'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleedin' - Oh WOW! Who's been cutting you up Billy Joel???? Eh? Because if you've been getting the Dexter treatment, I'd tell someone, preferably the police, becasue USUALLY most women don't go around slicing up peeps whilst saying 'BAHAHAHAHA, LOOK! YOUR SPILLING BLOOD HOW HIGHFREAKINLARIOUS' No, usually your mum'll come along and be like, 'here's a plaster cherub, feel better *smooch*'.....so basically what we're looking at here is Billy Joel doesn't like mums, EXHIBIT 1!

She can do as she pleases, She's nobody's fool - I kind of wish this was true, I wish I COULD do as I pleases....i'd start smearing chocolate stains on skinny girls dresses as they walk down the street, i'd start telling my boss to 'GET YOUR OWN FREAKIN COFFEE' i'd start willing the weather with my mind to be miserable so that I don't have to feel bad about curling up in my bed like a fresh refugee every night whilst watching sad chick flicks....and then I wouldn't even feel guilty about it because.... I'M NOBODY'S FOOL, YEAH FOOLS, I PITY YO FOOL! Exhibit 2....Billy Joel doesn't like little girls either!

She can't be convicted. She's earned her degree - Maybe Billy Joel thinks we're superheros, becasue so far we can....cut people up, do what we want, and not even get into trouble for it, HAY GIRLS, we can't be convicted.....FANTASTIC! Lets raise hell, I'll get the paraffin, you get the matches.....but hay, Billy Joel.... WE CAN GET CONVICTED, I've got an aunt in the big house who'll vouch for that.... but she didn't have a degree..... maybe thats why.....Exhibit 3...Billy Joel hates lady criminals....and people with  degrees.

And the most she will do Is throw shadows at you - Okay, its admissions time, I....from time to time....throw shadows at people, okay! Its not something i'm proud of, but occaisonally, when i'm in a room with someone, i'll get my shadow, and i'll just throw it at their head, they just never see it coming.....

Now, I realise that these are METAPHORS, I did English Literature as well ya know, but come on, do  woman really deserve this, I'd like to sit Billy Joel down, put on some Kelis and watch his face get all confundled too....or maybe I should make a song to the the tune of 'Always a Woman' except its MY turn....i'll call it 'He's Always a Man' and maybe it'll go something like this;

He doesn't notice my dress, but he'll still put his hand up there
He won't open the door and he'll swear if I step there
He thinks that he's smarter and better than me
He doesn't clean up after himself, yeah he's always a man to me

Ooooooooh and he gets paid more
If I do I'm a 'whore'
Even though we do the same jooooooooob

Ooooooh sometimes you burp in my face,
You ask me to taste, my god what's wrong with yoooooou

You don't have to wear make up
You don't have to wax
You don't have to wear girdles or take occaisonal smakcs
You don't cook meals for 6 then get asked for a take away
You get better with age, and you can put us in a cage.

Yeah, your always a man to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*and yes I do have daddy issues*

So Billy Joel, LAY OFF! I hope you just wrote this song in a fit of anger much like I wrote this blog....in which case ALL IS FORGIVEN.....especially as I just love all your other songs...